[Tango-L] Women's power in tango

[Pat Petronio]

Michael,

Rest assured that you are not alone on this issue. I've had many
conversations with women in our tango community about exactly the same
thing. I have asked exactly the same question: "Is BAD tango better than NO
tango?" 

Some women refer to gender imbalances when explaining their choice of "BAD
tango".  However, not wanting to hurt the man's feelings is the most common
reason here. It seems that our society has created women who are just too
NICE for their own good. Some explain their habit with ballroom dancing
etiquette, where apparently it’s rude to refuse an invitation (I have not
experience with ballroom dancing, so can't say if this is true).

Despite living in a modern country with gender equality, these women don't
seem to realise that they have some power.  They have the power of choosing
their partner in a milonga (especially with the cabeceo). The broader
implication of this is that they also have power to improve their tango
community. Their choice of declining invitations from men whose behaviour or
dancing skills are unacceptable will send a message to those individuals,
ie. to shape up.  

To put it another way, I think that the women who continue to tolerate bad
behaviour and complain are unwittingly part of the problem. More details on
this post:
http://www.tangosalonadelaide.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/imagine-if.html. 

Perhaps these women simply need to be empowered. Here are some strategies
for selecting a dance partner which may help 
http://tangosalonadelaide.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/how-to-choose-dance-partne
r.html

I feel very strongly about this. So Michael, I’m glad you pressed the “SEND”
button.

Patricia 
Adelaide, Australia

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Message: 4
Date: Thu, 04 Jun 2015 23:07:40 -0400
From: Michael <tangomaniac at optimum.net>
Subject: [Tango-L] Women's power in tango
To: Tango L  <Tango-L at Mit.Edu>
Message-ID: <003501d09f3c$c8ebb8d0$5ac32a70$@optimum.net>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Shahrukh is looking for list activity. I hope I can write this without being
flamed or misunderstood.



Women have power in tango. Either they don't know it or know it and don't
know how to use it. (An alternative description is women finding their
voice.)



I don't hear everything women say between each other while they sit but I
know they discuss the quality of the leaders. Women have complained to me
that a leader bent their wrist backwards so they now have carpal tunnel
syndrome or squeezed their hand so hard their knuckles almost exploded like
popcorn.



Why do women continue to dance with horrible leaders (based on their
definition?) I remember Karin said she would hurt the man's feelings if she
turned him down. I asked her "What would you say if a man said 'Let's go to
your place after the milonga and do the other tango?' " "I'd say NO!" I
asked, "Why would you say "NO? You'll hurt the man's feelings!" I wish I had
a camera because the look on her face was a (click) Kodak moment.



I've seen men hold out their hand and women just jump. 



There's a man in New York who has a reputation for dropping partners on the
floor. I was amazed that women still danced with him after he dropped one.



Do men have the power of Count Dracula to force women to dance with them? (I
guess that's the ultimate cabeceo.)



I remember a woman who was talking to me say she was now going to dance a
horrible tanda with a lousy leader. Why?



Some women found their voice (and power) and don't have a problem turning
men down even though it shocks some of them.



My teacher said everybody has to answer the question "Is BAD tango better
than NO tango." Why is BAD tango better than NO tango?



(Taking a chance pressing the "SEND" button.





Michael

Came home to New York where the Argentine Tango is better





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