[Tango-L] Cabaceo & SAYING "NO"

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Sean here. I should know better, but here are a few of my thoughts on the subject.

--- Patricia Katz wrote:

"I see many leaders with very good potential stay at a level that
is below their ability; these leaders don't take workshops or privates when
very good teachers are in town. It seems most women will dance with them,
even the very " good" women and then these women complain about these
leaders lack of navigation, embrace, not listening to the music etc."

Sean says: The fact that these women complain about their partners does not suggest to me that they are better dancers than their men.


--- Patricia Katz wrote:

"these followers feel that if they refuse then they won't dance and
it seems they would prefer to dance with a poor leader than sit out for a
number of tandas.

Sean says: There is the proof. These women need a serious reality check about their own abilities. I've talked to dozens of skilled dancers. But I don't think I have ever met one who would "prefer to dance with a poor leader than sit out". (That doesn't mean that there aren't other compelling social reasons for accepting a dance, but in his or her heart, a good dancer would prefer to sit.) Forget about the complaints from these women. When they accept a dance, they get exactly the dance they deserve.

As for this whole card/cabaceo issue, I wonder if it is all over a single girl who can't say "no"? It is certainly not a widespread problem in Pittsburgh. I frequently see women turn down/avoid dancing with men here. And the sub-par dancer aggressively pursuing the skilled dancer is far more likely (90% or more) to be a woman than a man. Likewise, men are more likely than women to be dancing with someone below their own ability.

The rant: All too frequently, women will tell me that the only time that they feel like they are really dancing is when they dance with me. They unfairly expect every other man to be able to create that illusion. So even though a man may be far above her level, he is still not good enough - in her mind. I would say to those women, that if you depend on the man to make you feel like you are dancing, then you are not at a level where you can judge your partners' ability, and you should be grateful for any partner you get. 

The women that I want to dance with manage to really dance, regardless of the man. Even if the man is far less skilled than she. Just sayin'.