[Tango-L] concerning the embrace and lead

[Anton Stanley]

Thanks for everyone’s concern. But I obviously gave the wrong impression.
I’m not crying in my cornflakes. I was trying to make a point about a recent
post by Joanne, (see below), who was pretty forthright about men who are a
bit ragged around the edges. My post was about conveying the forces at work
that may influence men to make the wrong choices very early in their tango
discovery tour. And the poor sods may never know the error of their ways.
Who sets them straight? Their dance partners? Women have an issue about
letting guys know how and what they want or don’t like. Especially
generations born in the 40s, 50s and 60s. Even with guys they like. If the
poor sods have lots of private lessons, there’s a strong chance that their
errant ways will only receive passing mention and not impede progress in
learning steps and figures. Most will probably only attend group
instructional lessons where emphasis is on learning steps as opposed to how
to deploy them for the satisfaction of their partners. Would this be a good
time for partners to offer corrective advice to each other?  Probably not.
So two, three or four years go by and the poor sods know loads of steps,
have attended heaps of workshops and the like, yet barely have received any
meaningful instruction on what women mean by connection, subtlety, embrace,
emotion etc., all those desireable elements that a women wishes of a
partner. Some of the poor sods do wake up and realise something’s missing,
even though ever since they began tango, women have never refused them, in
fact seemingly eager to dance with them. Not so in BsAs. When I fill a
bucket with water I know it’s full. But oh the embrace. Most of us poor sods
never know if it’s a quarter full, half full, or running over. Me thinks
what’s half full for one may be half empty for another. But us poor sods are
never going to know for sure.  So onwards through the fog we push, hopefully
avoiding fatal collisions. I’ve always believed that teaching men to dance,
especially tango, should involve a totally different process to teaching
women. My thoughts on that subject would take pages and greater literary
skills than I possess.
Just more of my Pollyanna thoughts on tango.

Anton


“Brian,
I am so impressed that you are looking for a solution to the followers'
despair.  I thank you for your awareness and for your interest.  This truly
reflects good character on your part.
We as women and followers need to have more pride in ourselves, need to
value quality rather than quantity, and need to communicate this to other
women so we can all be on the same page, we can support each other and we
can educate each other.  
What do students do when the food at the cafeteria is soooooo bad?????  If
we keep eating it and not say anything, will the food get any better?  NO!
But if the students band together and protest, and refuse to buy more meal
tickets, then the administration listens and makes changes to improve the
situation.  
It depends on who needs whom.  In my book, women should be quite confident
that if one man cannot meet her needs (give her a nice dance), then, not to
worry because there is another one who can, and never go running after that
first man like he was the only man at the milonga.  I would rather sit all
night then have bad dances.  I would rather dance with a green-as-grass
beginner than be manhandled by a guy who has been dancing for several years
but has no quality or respect.   Hey, maybe that is just me, but I am sure
that there is at least one other woman reading this who is thinking "wow,
how can I get that kind of confidence?"  
And when the topic comes up, I am not afraid to say that I won't dance with
so and so because he is clueless after several years of lessons. And when
the other woman agrees that that man is leading in a disrespectful way, I
say that it is ALWAYS the woman's choice.  She does not have to dance with
anyone she does not want to dance with.  If the men hold it against her,
then we might as well as be living in a police state, eh???
Teachers need to teach their women students that IT IS OK TO SAY NO, and
why.  If women do not uphold the standards of good dancing, then all will
"go to xxxx in handbasket:", as they say.”