[Tango-L] concerning the embrace and lead

[Valerie Dark]

You know, Anton, it just really isn't easy, so forgive yourself.
You're going to be fine. You're trying so very hard, and that means
the answers will come. Meanwhile, friendship counts for a lot. Your
partners notice and appreciate that you're sincere and considerate.
They like that. I know you want to be a good dancer, and I'm sure
you're on your way so I'm not telling you to settle for less. But
honestly, women who have been around a while are very thankful just to
dance with someone who cares.

For a while, the hardest women to dance with will be the intermediate
dancers who are just as ambitious as you are and wishing they could be
dancing all the time with the "great" dancers. You, too, will find
just how much friendship matters, and years from now  you'll still be
dancing with the ones who were kind to you when you were starting out.
Somehow, it won't matter to you if they never really became such great
dancers. You'll be dancing with them just because of who they are and
how you feel about them.

Then tango will be taking care of your soul instead of the other way
around. That's tango for the long haul.

Eventually your most serious efforts will become a private matter and
you won't keep apologizing out loud for where you are and what you
think you might have flubbed. It isn't arrogance, it's acceptance.
You're allowed to accept yourself while continuing to strive to be
better. People like being around someone who accepts himself. It's
less work. Once you accept yourself, you'll also discover something
else very magical, that you even have the power to accept other
people, too, and wow do they ever like that! You'll have hundreds of
partners beating a path to dance with you and you won't even be
trying.

Have a great time!

Valerie

On Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 8:47 PM, Anton Stanley <anton at alidas.com.au> wrote:
> A question for the ladies. What's more important in a leader, to be
> assertive and positive or passive and hesitant?
> I can still vividly recall an incident at my very beginning of tango. A
> woman considerably more experienced, tried to help by instructing me to be
> more positive. In my mind I was positive - I was positive that I didn't know
> what I was doing. This moment was quite pivotal in my tango development. I
> could easily have elected to do the macho thing and become assertive and
> positive although I had no skills or knowledge to support it. I could have
> learned to give women an assertive, positive and crappy dance, instead of a
> passive, hesitant and crappy dance. I believe I wisely chose the latter, in
> the belief that in time I would be skilled enough to become assertive and
> positive. Passive and hesitant, two traits that are an anathema to
> manliness; traits that women despise in men. Could a man be forgiven for
> transgressing into manhandling his partner because he couldn't bear the
> shame whilst waiting to acquire the skills. Of course, there are always
> knuckle heads like me.
>
> Anton
>
>
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-- 
Cryptic Ember - The tango blog of Valerie Dark (my pseudonym)
http://crypticember.blogspot.com