[Tango-L] concerning the embrace and lead

[Anton Stanley]

A question for the ladies. What's more important in a leader, to be
assertive and positive or passive and hesitant?
I can still vividly recall an incident at my very beginning of tango. A
woman considerably more experienced, tried to help by instructing me to be
more positive. In my mind I was positive - I was positive that I didn't know
what I was doing. This moment was quite pivotal in my tango development. I
could easily have elected to do the macho thing and become assertive and
positive although I had no skills or knowledge to support it. I could have
learned to give women an assertive, positive and crappy dance, instead of a
passive, hesitant and crappy dance. I believe I wisely chose the latter, in
the belief that in time I would be skilled enough to become assertive and
positive. Passive and hesitant, two traits that are an anathema to
manliness; traits that women despise in men. Could a man be forgiven for
transgressing into manhandling his partner because he couldn't bear the
shame whilst waiting to acquire the skills. Of course, there are always
knuckle heads like me.

Anton