[Tango-L] tango rejection

[Nussbaum, Martin]

Megan wrote, "I had the feeling that he walked away thinking, "Cecilia
gave me such a warm smile!""

Trust me, that is not what he was thinking.  He was feeling rejected.
And it was not such a warm rejection. A warm rejection is when the woman
says,  thank you for asking,  I am resting, ask me another time, or , I
have already promised the next few tandas to someone else.  If this
happens on two separate occasions,  the man should get the idea there
will never be another time and stop asking that woman.  Unless he is
totally clueless, in which case a blunt sledgehammer is called for.   

My main lament is that in NYC where i dance, almost no one uses or
comprehends the cabaceo, anyway most milongas are so dark you could not
see a cabaceo from more than 3 feet away anyway. This lighting is
getting worse by the month. maybe its to conserve energy in a bad
economy.  but if its so dark it is hard to judge a womans dance skill
before inviting.   I try to avoid dancing with a  woman who does not
meet my eyes or smile when I pass by.  What is the point?   I do not
want to dance with someone who accepted my invite because she did not
want to hurt my feelings. That is called a mercy tanda.  And it is as
emotionally bereft as mercy sex.  But there are many men who verbally
invite and think nothing of intimidating the woman into accepting.
Usually these are not the better dancers. 

I guess I am a luddite, i use the cabaceo whenever possible, hoping to
spread this wonderful custom.  Occasionally I will resort to verbal
invite, and usually regret it. When a woman rejects my invite  with a
one word no or shake of her head, but within 5 seconds leaps up to dance
with the latest argentine long-haired poor- postured neo- tango import
on sale,  I will ask her again as soon as the following two conditions
occur:   pigs fly,  and hell freezes over.  One of those is
insufficient; if both of those conditions occur,  I will gladly ask her
again.   

Use the cabaceo. It works. ( If you can see it.)