[Tango-L] The balancing act

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Some of the recent discussion has in some ways suggested that men ought to pander to women.  Puh-lease...

I’m going on record of saying that it is okay for men to be "demanding" of women in the same way that women are "demanding" of men.  The latter is more prevalent than the former.  In fact, gentlemen, you expect that, right?  And trying to meet those expectations is the road to being a better dancer.  

The same holds true for women.  Those women who rise to the challenge become the true queens – the women that the men search out, the ones for whom the men will await their turn even if it takes all night/morning, the ones that they’ll be glowing about for days, weeks or even months later.  These are the women that when you guys get together and compare notes, you’ll talk about whether you think you made her happy or made her uncomfortable.  I’ve have never heard a conversation in which a man (even the best ones) bragged about how great he was to such a woman.  No, it is always "did she like my dancing?"  

What gal wouldn’t enjoy being thought of in that way?  It might not even be a conscious goal, but something that just happens.  It requires the same work and the same demanding partners.  Some may see that the "requirement" of women to fit in their expression within the context of the man’s marca as onerous.  But there are enough women out there who will see it as an interesting challenge toward being a better dancer.  But understand the key – that the demanding partners are the men that the woman really wants to dance with, not just anybody.  Granted, initially a woman might pick the wrong partner to try to please.  But she’ll eventually figure that out and she’ll make better choices.  

Let’s also understand the historical context of how this issue has become a debate.  For years, teaching tango was pattern-oriented with little emphasis on partner communication.  Then came the backlash with teachers emphasizing that men need to consider the comfort of the woman above all else.  

Now, let’s take this full circle.  Now, the danger is man compensating for everything the woman does that she really doesn’t learn anything.  That’s okay.  But then she can’t understand why she’s the one asking the man to dance and not the other way around.  Or why he makes excuses and doesn’t dance with her.

So it really comes down to a balancing act, shifting one way and then the other, and back and forth again and again as one progresses in tango.  And the elements that determine these things become finer and finer and more difficult to discuss.  Eventually, it all works out with people at the same level dancing with each other.  

For purposes of discussion, it helps to stay open-minded about others’ experiences, to realize that Rome wasn’t built in a day, to know that perhaps future experiences might lead you to think differently, and the same holds true for others whether they realize it or not.

Trini de Pittsburgh