[Tango-L] Labor Day Festival: a complaint

[Niki Papapetrou]

Hi Nancy,
We have been in Buenos Aires (where it is not acceptable for women to
request a dance) since late May, and we have just returned from
spending 10 days in Uruguay, where we did a bit of dancing in
Montevideo, The tango scene there is definitely more relaxed, with
none of the pomp and ceremony of BsAs milongas. In Montevido,
invitation to dance is effected by cabaceo or verbally, both from men
and from women. The invitations (the verbal ones) were not pushy or
demanding, and both acceptance or rejection was delivered in a
friendly manner (think of a party where someone holding a tray of
finger food comes over and offers some to you - either smile and say
´yes , thanks´ or smile and say ´no, thank you´ - neither person was
left feeling pressured or regected, either way). My partner found it
quite refreshing, actually.

now we are back in Bs As for another 3 months of pomp and ceremony :)

Back in our home city in Australia, where some women do ask for
dances, my parnter does occasionally get frustrated with women either
demanding dances, or making comments like ´you haven´t danced with me
the past ... milongas´(like being given a friendly reminder from the
phone company that you bill is overdue), or giving him the puppy dog
eyes, begging look. He has a hard time rejecting these demands (he is
simply a big pot of honey). Sometimes he would come home from a
milonga feeling that he´d come back from a hard day´s work, rather
than back from a pleasant night of dancing. I often tell him that he
needs to toughen up, and If anyone should demand dances from him, it
should be me, right? I do realise that, in a community where everyone
knows everyone else,  it is harder to avoid offending someone by
saying ´no´. Maybe saying ´later´ might be a better option for him and
other men faced with  a similar situation.

 In Australia, there has been many a time when having caught each
other´s eye, the man is about to get up from his seat, when, out of
nowhere, another woman grabs him and pulls him onto the dance floor.
Aaaarrrggghh!
 When in  Australia what I occasionally do is , while chatting to a
friend, just when I am about to move on (end the conversation) I´ll
say something along the lines of ´I´d love to have a dance later on´,
smile and then walk away/back to my seat/get myself a drink etc. This
way, the man (regardless of friendship) doesn´t feel pressured to
dance with me on the spot - or at all, for that matter.  It´s not a
demand. It´s not begging. What it does do, however, is to  give him
the opportunity to ask me if or when he is ready/the music is right
etc. Moreover, it is a way of letting him know that i do like dancing
with him (something we all like to be reminded of, every now and then,
regardless of gender).

-- 
Yours in dance dementia,
Niki

www.tangotrails.blogspot.com