[Tango-L] Milonga Codes and weird anecdotes/blowing my nose

[rockies@comcast.net]

A wise friend once said 'why would you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you?' We are better off concentrating on those who do want to dance with us.

There are myriad reasons why someone may not want to dance with someone else, but you're better off to just accept that there will be some who don't want to dance with you, just as there may be some whom you don't want to dance with. North Americans have a problem with directness, and I often wish we could simply receive constructive feedback without being hurt over it. Tango is hard on the ego. Maybe it's a lesson in developing less ego?

Comparison and competition do make a person a better dancer. Ultimately however, it doesn't make a person *feel* better when they fail to meet or even come close to their ideal. I think however, that one should be grateful for the positive experiences in tango, and therefore focus more on those. I also think it's important to have compassion for those of a lower level. You were there once too, remember? On the other hand, yes, it can be frustrating to stay with partners whom you have outgrown, and maybe it does them no favors in a way, unless they are still learning and refining. For some people however, their enjoyment does not center on whether they are good dancers or not, they simply want to dance. We shouldn't deny them the right to that, but if we have delusions of our ability and want to dance with those who do care about ability, well, there's nothing like a milonga to put us in our place. Do your own thing... if you want to refine your dance to be the best, then do i
 t, and
 if your goal is to simply dance, improvement disregarded, then do so. But don't expect others no matter which side of the fence you are on to only subscribe to your ideal of tango etiquette (or any other aspect of tango). An optimist has a great time at the milongas even if he or she is rejected often, because they will remember the one or two great dances of the night. A pessimist focuses on the rejections or unenjoyable dances. You get what you think about, and whatever you focus your thoughts on is how your experience is going to be.

Abrazos

Randy