[Tango-L] Ecstasis and Control

[buffmilonguera@aol.com]

sorry if others have already commented - I am trying to clear out a 
bunch of e-mails, when I ran into this - I don't know what, if any, 
relationship you had with your dance partner, Mario and perhaps she was 
comfortable with your tango - but I know a lot of new tango dancers 
read this list and I want to say that there is at least one very 
different point-of-view about how to approach a partner, and a tango.

I have always been taught, as a follower and leader, that both parties 
have to feel comfortable in the embrace.  This means that, if I am 
leading a partner I do not know, I might ask if close embrace is 
comfortable, or I'd simply offer an open embrace, moving into close 
embrace if my partner offers it.  Even when followers say they'd rather 
dance in open embrace, it is not uncommon that, during the tanda as 
folks relax, we will move into the close embrace I had offered before 
the dance. Similarly, as a lead, if I am not comfortable with close 
embrace with a particular partner, for any number of reasons, I offer 
an open embrace only, without moving into close embrace. The key word 
here is "offer." After all, we call ourselves partners, not the 
victorious and vanquished,  :) (please note the smiley face, which 
indicates that I am exaggerating the metaphor to make a point).

And as a follow, it is actually a little creepy for me to imagine a 
partner who starts the dance by restricting my movements, telling me 
that I am not to exercise any will of my own, and any to express myself 
in the dance is met with an even more forceful embrace to ensure that I 
"got the message."

I know we've been round and round on this type of issue (I still 
remember that seemingly decades long debate over whether a woman could 
be a violin.....), and think everyone's point of view has been 
established - the reason for my response is just to let new dancers 
know there is a different way to create the tango connection we are 
strive for. Most of the followers here would not tolerate a new-comer 
using Mario's style for more than one dance, and word would quickly 
spread.

btw, we are a "close embrace" community - most of us dance close 
embrace with each other all the time.  My point here is that if I am 
dancing with someone I don't know/haven't danced with, I make the 
"offer of embrace" as I wrote above.

barbra

Mario wrote ...
"...for me it was a combination of Ecstasy and Control....I held her 
Milonguero style, and from the beginning,
  began to restrict her movements...I whispered in her ear that she was 
to follow me and had no will of her own....she was to surrender to the 
music and to my lead....she wanted to bobb side to side and 'express' 
an independent rhythm but I refused to let her do it...I held her 
closer in an abrazo milonguero and she got the message