[Tango-L] Speak up if you are uncomfortable

[buffmilonguera@aol.com]

Joe - I was very happy to see your e-mail....I don't know the 
particular case being discussed, but I was hopeful that the 
over-arching point would not be missed.

I have talked to women who have had things like this happen to them - 
if not as overt. Two women cried when talking about it and the others 
were so horribly embarrassed about it that they made me promise not to 
tell anyone. Not all of these incidents happened in my own community, 
but I now make it a point whenever I am working with new dancers, male 
or female, to talk about this.  I say that at the moment that it 
becomes uncomfortable, it is no longer tango.  I acknowledge that that 
a dancer's comfort zone may change over time - for example, I am very 
comfortable and prefer close embrace - but it certainly wasn't 
something I would have been comfortable with 2 years ago.  Tango is 
about a partnership - which, as I have said before, is why we use the 
words "dance partner" and not victor and vanquished.  It is an equal 
partnership, with each partner making a contribution.  This can not 
happen without mutual respect and trust.

How could that elusive connection we all seek in every dance and with 
every partner happen with out feeling safe, respected and trusting.  
For me, if those things are missing, then it is just not tango....

Barbra