[Tango-L] Speak up if you are uncomfortable

[Joe Grohens]

OK. I'll speak up.

I am uncomfortable with gratuitous tittle-tattle about this particular  
lawsuit. It should be possible to make constructive remarks about  
ethical conduct for dance teachers, or how women should stand up for  
themselves against sexual harrassment, without seeking to spread this  
gossipy sensationalistic tabloid news about the case in Denver.

And I agree with Astrid - it seems that Darlene has more to her agenda  
than trying to lift up other dancers.

I also think that this particular problem of a tango lesson becoming  
sexual misconduct - regardless of whatever really happened in the  
aforementioned lawsuit - is connected to a rather warped and shallow  
idea of tango that is popularized by tango teachers and promoters.

I am uncomfortable with tango promoters and teachers representing  
tango as a Latin antidote to Puritan inhibition. I wish people would  
stop selling tango as 'intimate," a "vertical expression of a  
horizontal desire," the "most sexual dance," a "dance of seduction,"  
etc. I have seen tango teachers actually say such things in a class  
for first-time dancers. It's not only banal, it's disgusting! And it  
leads to distorted ideas.

I am really uncomfortable that the popular image of tango dancing,  
inculcated by people in the tango business, is _so sleazy_ that  
attorneys could reasonably construct a BS legal defense like the  
following:

"[His attorneys] argued that Gale was simply touching the woman for  
purposes of teaching her the sensual dance steps of the tango."

That is quoted from the link that Darlene sent.

You know, tango is not strip tease - they are two different dance  
worlds. I wish people would stop trying to combine them.

I am uncomfortable with middle-aged women dressing for the milonga as  
if they were turn-of-the-century prostitutes.

I am uncomfortable with "best lingerie contest" as a theme for milongas.

I am not a prude, but really, what is the idea here? Is the dance  
itself not interesting enough for you?

I am uncomfortable with guys who make tango dancing into an overt  
grope fest and public seduction ritual. Please, have some taste! And I  
am uncomfortable with the widely popularized fantasy ideas of tango  
that seem to define tango in this way.

I am uncomfortable with men who take advantage of women who are in the  
vulnerable position of learning a new dance. In tango it is not  
unusual to hear the line that the man is the boss, the woman needs to  
surrender, submit, give herself. Many new dancers (men as well as  
women) are already way out of their comfort zone just due to the fact  
that they are trying to learn a new dance. It can be a very big deal  
for some people simply to be touching others, or to be moving their  
own body to music, or to be taken out on a dance floor where other  
people can see their timid efforts. Sometimes people have worked up a  
lot of courage to try tango. They fight back insecurity, fear,  
memories of past criticism, and sometimes past abuse. It is easy to  
confuse and abuse people in this situation. It is wrong to mix  
teaching with picking people up.

People who are teaching dance ought to protect and care for new  
dancers, and make them comfortable, and not treat them like prey.

Sex is part of life, and sex certainly is an underyling component of  
tango dancing. I just think it should remain underlying both at the  
milonga and at the dance studio. I would like to be able to bring my  
daughters and their friends to tango.