[Tango-L] The Jungle and Women's Tricky Tricks

[steve pastor]

Carol:
  If you feel that you can't "go over and ask", by all means be sure to 
  look at the man when he is available. If and when he returns your gaze
  you can motion towards the dance floor, or raise your eyebrows in 
  question (Are we going to dance now?)
  Does this sound like a certain non verbal means of communication 
  associated with Argentine Tango?
  Esablishing eye contact is something that is widely done. Even if it
  is not done "religiously" where you dance, it should be understood.
  My goodness, I arrange dances with people I know from across the room
  with this method at the country western place I go to, and those folks have
  never heard of the cabeceo.
  You could "prime the pump" and increase the chance of this working by
  telling the guys something like, "I'll watch for you later on" when you decline
  his invitation.
  But, I think it is really too bad that you think you can't go over and ask them, 
  given the situation. Personally, I think it's acceptable (or should be) in the US 
  and other places. 
  Sometimes we try too hard to create an authentic milonga experience when we
  aren't authentic Argentines. Let's make it mostly about the music and the dance.
   
   
   
  

Carol Shepherd <arborlaw at comcast.net> wrote:
  Hey, sometimes our feet *are* sore and we really need to rest! Have you 
ever worn tango shoes? ;)

This is a bigger problem in the tango world than in other dance styles, 
because of the difference in customs. In other dances I can say to the 
guy "when I'm done resting, I'll come over and ask you." Obviously in 
tango this is mostly not done.

So, if you really *do* have sore feet, how do you reconnect without 
violating the code?

Another problem -- I do want to dance with a guy, but not a milonga, I 
would rather dance a tango. I say, "Can we not dance to this, but dance 
to a tango instead?" They walk away, and don't come back, because they 
feel rejected. Can I go over to them and ask them to dance the tango? 
I don't think so. How can I reconnect in that situation as well.

Inquiring minds want to know.

C

PS - those who say you shouldn't dance after you have turned someone 
down, are absolutely right. It's very socially rude. I think some 
women are getting sloppy with this because of the tanda structure. 
Turning down one dance means sitting out the rest of the whole tanda, so 
they throw away the rule. Too bad.

Victor Bennetts wrote:
> As my wife and I both dance I get to see this issue from both sides. Remember it is generally no easier for women than men at a Milonga and generally if there is an oversupply of women as is often the case it is a lot harder for them. So you really have to respect them if they don't want to dance with you. Having said that, it is a social dance and a little kindness goes a long way mujeres :-).
> 
> After initially really resenting the cabaceo in my brief and only stint in Argentina I must say I ended up liking it a lot. I was really down on it until my wife pointed out that it was just a lovely means to allow the woman to choose who she wants to dance with. For instance, in Australia, if you go up to a follower and they want to turn you down for a dance usually they give you some sorry excuse like they have sore feet or need to rest. So in Argentina you avoid all that and furthermore once you get someone to smile and nod at you then you start to feel really special actually. Already you feel like you have shared something and she has chosen you and something great is about to start. I don't want to make it sound like some perfect solution because there are all sorts of cabaceo disasters and difficulties, but when it works it does seem to work beautifully. However I could not imagine doing it in Australia (and I imagine the rest of the world is pretty much the same),
 i
t!
> would probably just be ridiculous and forced out of context.
> 
> Victor Bennetts
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> 

-- 
Carol Ruth Shepherd
Arborlaw PLC
Ann Arbor MI USA
734 668 4646 v 734 786 1241 f
http://arborlaw.com

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