[Tango-L] any advice for bad shoulders?

[Emily Justusson]

--- steve pastor <tang0man2005 at yahoo.com> wrote:
>   Although I agree with Carol's advice to tell the
> woman about it, I know for a 
>   fact what the result of that is. My goodness,
> you've talked to your partner, 
>   and you've also probably ruined her evening by
> criticizing her and being rude.
>   (OK I can't help  a bit of exaggeration, but I'm
> trying to make a point.)
and later:
>We set people up to think that something is wrong 
>if you don't finish the tanda, but you aren't
supposed to tell them
>what it is. 

I've been reading the list for some time (2 years or
so), but haven't posted before. 
I felt like I should respond the statement above, as a
follow who was occasionally hurt by people's criticism
when starting out. Sometimes things would rub me the
wrong way, even if I *knew* I needed to get the
content of that feedback in order to improve. Other
times, the leader gave similar types of feedback but
in a way that felt kind and helpful rather than rude. 
I'd rather be momentarily offended than keep doing
something that is unpleasant for my lead, but even
better if I can get the same information without
feeling hurt!  
This is probably obvious, but the way feedback is
presented/phrased makes a huge difference, as does its
timing.  I can imagine being taken aback if someone
verbally informed me midway through a song at a
milonga, or--worse--after cutting a tanda short, that
I was making them physically uncomfortable.
(Especially if I were a beginning dancer already
feeling a little insecure.) It would come across as a
criticism of *me*. 
On the other hand, if someone kindly let me know
before or immediately after taking me in their embrace
that they have a shoulder injury and to please be
careful, I wouldn't feel so bad. Instead of it seeming
like purely my failing (you have poor technique! you
push too hard!), it's more a problem with the
*shoulder* that I can compensate for by being extra
light/gentle. I can't imagine anyone taking offense at
this. 
If I still was providing too much pressure, s/he could
then let me know after the first song to reduce it
more, and it wouldn't feel like an out-of-the-blue
criticism or rude comment. I'd have already known that
this was an issue with that leader. 
And you know what? I'd probably be more aware of my
arm pressure in the future with other partners, even
if they hadn't informed me of any kind of problem. I
know in the beginning I had a much too stiff right
arm, until I experienced dancing with less pressure
and realized that not only could I still feel the
lead, but it felt a lot better. 
Of course, you can't give advance notice when your
follower does something unpleasant that you couldn't
have forseen being a problem. But you can still be
nice while letting her know. :-)
-Emily J. 


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