[Tango-L] Don't blame your follower

[Krasimir Stoyanov]

Offensive for whom?
For the ones that have no idea what tango is.
For the women, that don't understand they have to play a role.

You may be a good person, but in a play, you may play bad character.
Same in tango - you may play the role of a instrument. But don't forget that 
the beauty is emitted by this same "instrument". So why not doing it - show 
the beauty?

I find nothing offensive to play the role of a Stradivarius in the hands of 
a talented musician.

But you, ladies, are free to feel offended and miss the whole point.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Victor Bennetts" <Victor_Bennetts at infosys.com>
To: <tango-L at mit.edu>
Sent: Friday, December 21, 2007 4:08 AM
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Don't blame your follower


>
> The 'playing her like a violin' comments are generally offensive but have 
> their place. I reserve them for when I am trying to get other guys who may 
> be sceptical of dancing in general and tango in particular interested in 
> dancing tango. In that case, where I am trying to attract new leaders, I 
> have tacit approval from followers to push the envelope of good taste ;-).
>
> Victor Bennetts
>
> Tango For Her>
> I agree.  "... playing her like a fine violin" can be (1) meant in many 
> ways and (2) taken in many ways.  Air to caution!  I, personally, would 
> find that statement to be offensive.
>
>  I have to say, though, that you could divide this issue into two camps: 
> (1) Leaders who listen to the conversation that takes place in the dance 
> and (2) Leaders who strongly expect their followers to follow as was 
> described in a previous email.
>
>  (1) Leaders who listen to the conversation that takes place in the dance:
>
>  A leader with a mind toward the conversation in the dance might imagine 
> the quick strokes of the bow or the long feathery movement of the bow. 
> Thinking of that inanimate object and thinking of his follower at the same 
> time *could* result in the follower being thought of as an inanimate 
> object, I guess.  As long as he is feeling the reaction to *his bow* and 
> changes his lead correspondingly, then, I say, enjoy the dance!  The 
> result might be quite astounding.  The follower might find that the 
> conversation has climbed to a new level!  My personal feeling is that a 
> leader who can change the way he approaches the dance has an open mind and 
> is working on improving his dance.
>
>  (2) Leaders who strongly expect their followes to follow (and are tuned 
> in to the conversation)
>
>  That would be a different topic.  I didn't intend that, AT ALL, when I 
> started this thread.
>
>  Thank you, B.
>
>
> Keith <keith at tangohk.com> wrote:
>  B,
>
> "you were supposed to lead it...." is absolutely the correct response and 
> I
> just wish ladies would use it more often. And, when a man tries to teach a
> lady a figure during a milonga, I just wish she'd say ... "don't teach me,
> just lead me". Because if he can't 'just lead it', than he certainly can't
> dance it well enough to try teach it.
>
> And, to the comment .. "that's great! he is playing her like a fine 
> violin..".
> I agree - yuck!! is the perfect response.
>
> B, if this is your first post, please, let's hear more from you.
>
> Keith, HK
>
>
>
> On Mon Dec 17 4:04 , buffmilonguera at aol.com sent:
>
>>(...as she ventures, a little timidly, out from her much safer lurker
>>position.....so remember, this is my first time :) )
>>
>>Bravo Doug and Astrid!! I am a woman who both leads and follows - many
>>times back and forth during a single evening, depending on the
>>crowd...and while there is an obvious difference between the two - I am
>>a equal partner in the dance no matter which role I have....once I was
>>watching a beautiful woman dance with a man who was leading - really
>>admiring her adornments, musicality, beautiful footwork, and nuance - I
>>couldn't wait to dance with her - when a guy standing next to me said,
>>"that's great! he is playing her like a fine violin......." yuck!!
>>This passionate, beautiful dancer described as an inanimate object that
>>he "uses," Maybe it is oversensitive to have such a strong reaction to
>>imagery that other folks use to describe their tango....but part of it
>>comes from the experience of being told "follows only really need to
>>learn to follow," having inexperienced (or worse, experienced) leaders
>>wrestling with you to "get" gancho after gancho after gancho - and
>>those are usually the same leads who will violently twist your
>>shoulders over and over to get you do the boleo they demand, and, my
>>favorite, the leads who will stop dead in the middle of the floor
>>during a milonga and scold, "you were supposed to do...whatever," to
>>which the best response, that most follows are too gracious to say, is,
>>"you were supposed to lead it...."
>>
>>(...now she tentatively hits the send button, a little worried about
>>the reaction she'll get but committed to being part of a
>>community/conversation about a dance she is obsessed with.....)
>>
>>b
>
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