[Tango-L] Don't blame your follower

[Victor Bennetts]

The 'playing her like a violin' comments are generally offensive but have their place. I reserve them for when I am trying to get other guys who may be sceptical of dancing in general and tango in particular interested in dancing tango. In that case, where I am trying to attract new leaders, I have tacit approval from followers to push the envelope of good taste ;-).

Victor Bennetts

Tango For Her>
I agree.  "... playing her like a fine violin" can be (1) meant in many ways and (2) taken in many ways.  Air to caution!  I, personally, would find that statement to be offensive.

  I have to say, though, that you could divide this issue into two camps: (1) Leaders who listen to the conversation that takes place in the dance and (2) Leaders who strongly expect their followers to follow as was described in a previous email.

  (1) Leaders who listen to the conversation that takes place in the dance:

  A leader with a mind toward the conversation in the dance might imagine the quick strokes of the bow or the long feathery movement of the bow.  Thinking of that inanimate object and thinking of his follower at the same time *could* result in the follower being thought of as an inanimate object, I guess.  As long as he is feeling the reaction to *his bow* and changes his lead correspondingly, then, I say, enjoy the dance!  The result might be quite astounding.  The follower might find that the conversation has climbed to a new level!  My personal feeling is that a leader who can change the way he approaches the dance has an open mind and is working on improving his dance.

  (2) Leaders who strongly expect their followes to follow (and are tuned in to the conversation)

  That would be a different topic.  I didn't intend that, AT ALL, when I started this thread.

  Thank you, B.


Keith <keith at tangohk.com> wrote:
  B,

"you were supposed to lead it...." is absolutely the correct response and I
just wish ladies would use it more often. And, when a man tries to teach a
lady a figure during a milonga, I just wish she'd say ... "don't teach me,
just lead me". Because if he can't 'just lead it', than he certainly can't
dance it well enough to try teach it.

And, to the comment .. "that's great! he is playing her like a fine violin..".
I agree - yuck!! is the perfect response.

B, if this is your first post, please, let's hear more from you.

Keith, HK



On Mon Dec 17 4:04 , buffmilonguera at aol.com sent:

>(...as she ventures, a little timidly, out from her much safer lurker
>position.....so remember, this is my first time :) )
>
>Bravo Doug and Astrid!! I am a woman who both leads and follows - many
>times back and forth during a single evening, depending on the
>crowd...and while there is an obvious difference between the two - I am
>a equal partner in the dance no matter which role I have....once I was
>watching a beautiful woman dance with a man who was leading - really
>admiring her adornments, musicality, beautiful footwork, and nuance - I
>couldn't wait to dance with her - when a guy standing next to me said,
>"that's great! he is playing her like a fine violin......." yuck!!
>This passionate, beautiful dancer described as an inanimate object that
>he "uses," Maybe it is oversensitive to have such a strong reaction to
>imagery that other folks use to describe their tango....but part of it
>comes from the experience of being told "follows only really need to
>learn to follow," having inexperienced (or worse, experienced) leaders
>wrestling with you to "get" gancho after gancho after gancho - and
>those are usually the same leads who will violently twist your
>shoulders over and over to get you do the boleo they demand, and, my
>favorite, the leads who will stop dead in the middle of the floor
>during a milonga and scold, "you were supposed to do...whatever," to
>which the best response, that most follows are too gracious to say, is,
>"you were supposed to lead it...."
>
>(...now she tentatively hits the send button, a little worried about
>the reaction she'll get but committed to being part of a
>community/conversation about a dance she is obsessed with.....)
>
>b

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