[Tango-L] Leading vs. Following

[Michael]

Somebody wrote (With messages pasted on top of messages I'm not sure who wrote it):
"Leading is a zillion times harder than following."

I don't think comparing the two is really helpful. They require different skills. Following is more physical and leading is more mental. How many ochos do women dance at a milonga? I don't know but for men it's closer to 0 or even 0. How many boleos will women do at a milonga? I don't know but for men it's closer to 0 or even 0. Men have to concentrate on navigation, music, and the woman and rarely have time to think of about their own adornments. 

If following was so easy, men could do it easily. And if they could do it easily, they would lead better because they would understand what it takes to effectively communicate. It took me a long time to realize that I what I lead ISN'T always what I intended. Of course, the woman doesn't know--and I don't tell her. 

When I couldn't figure out what my teacher was saying, he lead me. At first, I couldn't follow because my leading intentions got in the way of paying attention. I had to blank my mind and have confidence that I would get the lead when I needed it, which is right before I needed it. That's how I learned the meaning of  "trust your partner." The first time he lead me in milonga, it was an absolute disaster! I got better at it. I remember when he "got me ready" for Tom Stermitz's Memorial Day festival in Denver two years ago. We stood in a corner of the room where I took lessons and put a chair on the perimeter. He said, now dance. I said "WHERE???" He lead me in a milonga in a tight spot. I was able to follow but I was nervous. I survived and went onto to Denver, where I had a fantastic time. Now all I have to do is wait for my Achilles Tendon to heal and then I can think of BA.

If a woman believes that "Leading is a zillion times harder than following," she will always blame herself for everything that goes wrong. That doesn't sound healthy. And if the men believe it, they can always blame the woman.

Michael
Washington, DC
Waiting for the doctor's diagnosis of the MRI photos