[Tango-L] Some people would complain if you hung them with a new rope...

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Sean here. Lois has posed a good question about a
problem that plagues many communities. I have also
broached the subject previously. I wish I had a good
answer for her, but I don't.

I do know that part of the problem is the prevalent
fallacy (most recently spread by Rick) that women will
improve by dancing "with someone who's above your
current level." That may work for some women, but in
my experience, only for a small minority. The truth is
that a man who leads well makes a woman feel like she
can really dance. If she believes this illusion (and
who wouldn't?), then rather than work to improve her
dancing, she may blame the other men when something
goes wrong.

We do improve by practicing with those who are above
our current level, but practicing is very different
than dancing. In my experience, the women who most
frequently hound the best leads at milongas either
rarely attend practices, or if they do go, they "just
want to dance". That's fine too, they are free to
"just dance". But not with me.

A concrete example: One of the most important
technical skills for tango is balance. As an
experienced leader, I automatically adjust myself if
the woman missteps, so that she rarely goes out of
balance. If she does go out of balance, I am strong
enough to hold her up. The best way for a woman to
improve her balance is probably to work alone. But if
she must practice with a partner, she will learn a lot
more about her own balance by working with a man near
or even below her own level.

As for investing in the community, I expect a decent
return for my investment. I enjoy dancing with women
of all levels, as long as they are steadily improving.
If a woman has noticeably improved over a 3 month
period, then I will enjoy dancing with her, regardless
of her current level. But if a woman's dancing has not
changed in 3 months, I loose interest in dancing with
her. She is not giving anything back. It might be
another three months before I ask her again.

I don't know if or when the learning curve might level
out, but I do know women who have been dancing for 7
or 8 years who still improve noticeably with each
passing quarter. The same holds true for men.

Not everyone has the same drive to constantly improve
their dancing. The people who have reached their
personal "good enough" level enjoy their dancing, and
are valuable members of the community. But it is not
fair for them to expect to continue to dance with
their former peers who are driven to go further with
the dance. If they cannot enjoy dancing with other
people at their own level, then maybe they need to
reevaluate "good enough".

As for people who can't afford the cost to steadily
improve, I don't believe it for an instant. We all
make choices about how we spend our discretionary
income. Dancing is the first choice for some of us.
Others choose cable TV, a car less than 10 years old,
dining out, or other luxuries. That is fine too. But
it is not fair to expect to dance with people who are
so obsessed with the tango that they forgo those
luxuries in favor of steadily improving their dancing.
If you can't afford private lessons, but you can
afford cable TV, you have made your choice. I chose a
different path. You are still an essential member of
the tango community, and I really want you to come to
and enjoy the milongas. But our paths have diverged.
Please respect my choice: don't ask me to dance.

Sean


--- Rick Jones <rwjones52 at yahoo.com> wrote:

It's just common sense that one of the keys to getting
better in any endeavor that requires partners --
dancing, chess, raquet ball, boxing --
is to partake with someone who's above your current
level.  

PATangoS - Pittsburgh Argentine Tango Society 
Our Mission: To make Argentine Tango Pittsburgh's most popular social dance. 
http://www.pitt.edu/~mcph/PATangoWeb.htm


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