[Tango-L] Leading and following

[Sergio Vandekier]

Trini says,
                   "Most women will not refuse an invitation unless 
something
feels wrong to her.  There is one man in our community that
I refuse to allow sacadas or anything involving the space
between my feet because I do not trust his balance.  With
another, I refuse to let my right arm be treated as a pump.
With another, I have refused to be lead wildly around the
room."

These are examples of people that do not know how to dance properly.

Then you are situated in a higher level than they are, not only because you 
are a better dancer but because you are their teacher. As they are learning 
they assume that your refusal or negotiation is due to something wrong that 
they do.

Trini says "Using vocabulary such as "invite" or "request" reinforces
the notion that tango is a dialogue and not a monologue.
She "answers" - it reinforces to the women that their
interpretation of the music or the dance is an important
contribution.  To the man, it reinforces their
responsibility to listen to and respect the woman."

I entirely agree. Again you are talking about people that are in the process 
of learning and not those that know how to dance.

Trini says "In an earlier post, I alluded to a problem of brutality in
our community.  The problem was solved because the women
began to demand to be treated better.  Part of that was due
to a constant reinforcement that women’s interpretation of
the dance was also important, that she was more important
than the step.  If people do not learn that as beginners,
it's tough to get that through their heads when they
consider themselves to be "advanced"."

This also talks about people that do not know how to dance.

Summary:  It seems to me that the situation where a woman would refuse to 
follow a lead given by a leader that knows how to dance is extremely 
unlikely.

"I am sure every guy on this list has had an invitation
changed by a "normal" dancer.  The guy thinks he invited a
forward step and she answers it as a back step.  That
dynamic is the most common form of "refusing" an invitation
and is more of a negotiation."

I have never heard of such a thing happening and this has never happened to 
me either.

If I lead a step and the woman answers with something different from what I 
lead I have to assume that something is wrong.

Either she does not know how to dance or she is trying to "back lead" (this 
is to lead the leader when she is the follower) or she is trying to irritate 
me on purpose : all reasons for me not to ask her to dance with me again. 
Unless we are friends at a practica and then I would ask her "what is wrong 
with you today?"

I assume that I lead properly and that I allow time and space in the dance 
for the woman to express herself as she wishes. I am concious that I am the 
leader and she is the follower, any deviation of those principles (IMO) are 
in violation of the rules of the dance.

But I understand that you Trini as  a teacher wish to reinforce the idea 
that the woman should be respected, she should have the chance to express 
herself artistically, she should never be lead to do figures, steps or moves 
that she cannot follow with ease, etc.
All this is instruction on how to dance properly but once you know how to 
dance  I doubt that a woman would refuse to follow the lead. You never 
refused any one of my leads when I danced with you.

Saludos cordiales, Sergio.

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