[Tango-L] Leading and following

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Negotiation may be a more useful word than refusal.

I am sure every guy on this list has had an invitation
changed by a "normal" dancer.  The guy thinks he invited a
forward step and she answers it as a back step.  That
dynamic is the most common form of "refusing" an invitation
and is more of a negotiation.

Rachel Smith (Jaimes Friedgen’s former partner) had a nice
way of putting it.  Say a guy invites a girl to a movie,
but she says, "how about coffee, instead?"  He gladly
accepts because he still gets a date with her.

Most women will not refuse an invitation unless something
feels wrong to her.  There is one man in our community that
I refuse to allow sacadas or anything involving the space
between my feet because I do not trust his balance.  With
another, I refuse to let my right arm be treated as a pump.
 With another, I have refused to be lead wildly around the
room.  All done without words.  All of these men still ask
me to dance, and, since we negotiate just fine, I can enjoy
dancing with them.

Using vocabulary such as "invite" or "request" reinforces
the notion that tango is a dialogue and not a monologue. 
She "answers" - it reinforces to the women that their
interpretation of the music or the dance is an important
contribution.  To the man, it reinforces their
responsibility to listen to and respect the woman.

In an earlier post, I alluded to a problem of brutality in
our community.  The problem was solved because the women
began to demand to be treated better.  Part of that was due
to a constant reinforcement that women’s interpretation of
the dance was also important, that she was more important
than the step.  If people do not learn that as beginners,
it's tough to get that through their heads when they
consider themselves to be "advanced".

BTW, getting women to "speak" more during the dance is
something we’re still working to solve.  That appears to be
much more difficult than getting the man to listen.

Trini de Pittsburgh


P.S. to Andrea - I just off of work, so checking Tango-L is
what I do to relax after work, in lieu of watching TV.  I
can tell you that in some ways, tango taught me that I was
spending way too much time at work (my old professional
job), so I quit.  But I have yet to find a good balance
between tango and non-tango.


PATangoS - Pittsburgh Argentine Tango Society 
Our Mission: To make Argentine Tango Pittsburgh's most popular social dance. 
http://www.pitt.edu/~mcph/PATangoWeb.htm


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