[Tango-L] leading and following

[astrid]

> Dear Leaders, just because she follows it doesn't make
> it a good lead.
>
> Moreover, I think the role of following is largely
> overlooked on this list.

True.

 I would like to remind
> leaders that a woman always has a choice whether to
> follow what you lead, and how to follow it.  There is
> nothing you can lead without her consent.  The very
> best you can do is to make requests....that is the
> essence of good leading.

Well, yes, true too, but on the other hand- if the woman does not (want to)
follow, then what is the point of dancing tango together?
Not everyone dances this "he invites, she follows, then he follows". Once
you establish a strong connection, the leading and following happens
practically simultaneoulsy. One the way, she can insert adornments, she can
slow down or speed up a little on the lead, she can propose certain moves,
and a sensitive leader will notice that and play along with it, but in
essence, she still follows all the time.
IMO, the problem is more that men who are poor dancers are not really
leading. They either don't transmit signals, or they push and pull her off
her axis here and there. Or they try to lead her, but in reality, their lead
points into a different direction from what they have in mind, and then they
wonder where she is going. There is no proper material for the follower to
work with.
But once there is a flow within a couple, the leading-following process is
so closely connected, that the woman has no time to think or make decisions
about whether she follows or not, she "just follows". Remember Pablo Veron
and what he yelled at Sally in that movie after the show?

But let me ask another question: last week, another woman at the milonga
told me:"I like dancing with this man and that man... but when I dance with
a beginner, my feet hurt." I have noticed the same thing: with certain men,
my feet start to hurt while we dance. With others, this does not happen. Can
anyone explain the mechanism behind that? I am not aware of the men leaning
or bearing down on me. Could it be that these men make me pivot in an
unnatural, anatomically incompatible way, placing unnecessary extra weight
on the wrong places of my feet? Or hold my body in the wrong angle in
relation to my moves or my walk?

Astrid