[Tango-L] Women's power in tango

[Shahrukh Merchant]

On 6/5/2015 12:07 AM, Michael wrote:
> I hope I can write this without being flamed or misunderstood. ...

> Women have power in tango. Either they don't know it or know it and don't
> know how to use it. (An alternative description is women finding their
> voice.)

Well, I am a little surprised you didn't get some flak for not having at 
least a third possibility after ignorance ("they don't know it") and 
ineptitude ("don't know how to use it"). Let's assume you meant that 
SOME women don't ... and that "innocence" is the quality you were 
highlighting in these umm ... small handful of women.

I can think of several other reasons (some of which may involve some 
degree of reluctance, but others not) such as:
- Wanting to be polite
- Being new (to the Tango or the local scene) and not sure of the norms
- Tired of sitting out and happy just to be asked
- Was asked by a friend or acquaintance
- The man in question, while not a good dancer, was charming or good 
looking or a good conversationalist
- Not having to go home feeling "I didn't dance a single Tango tonight"

... and I'm sure the women in question, having dealt with this 
first-hand can come up with a number of additional real reasons, rather 
than our speculative ones.

The common element in most if not all of these, is that a milonga is a 
*social* event and not a dance competition where you have to pick your 
partner based almost exclusively on dance skill or compatibility. 
(Unfortunately, this seems to be increasingly forgotten at many levels.)

> I asked her "What would you say if a man said 'Let's go to
> your place after the milonga and do the other tango?' " "I'd say NO!" I
> asked, "Why would you say "NO? You'll hurt the man's feelings!" I wish I had
> a camera because the look on her face was a (click) Kodak moment.

Are you sure it wasn't her astonishment at your equating the two 
situations? :-)

> Some women found their voice (and power) and don't have a problem turning
> men down even though it shocks some of them.

Ah, but the really skillful ones manage to turn a man down and leave him 
charmed in the process.

> My teacher said everybody has to answer the question "Is BAD tango better
> than NO tango." Why is BAD tango better than NO tango?

Well, this never has an easy answer, notwithstanding that it's easy to 
take a stand and claim that it does. After all, when you say:

> Shahrukh is looking for list activity.

a parallel question may be "are bad Tango-L posts better than NO tango-L 
posts" (no, I'm not referring to your post, which I think is a 
reasonable one) and there are certainly different positions one can take 
on that (I clearly lean on one side when it comes to Tango-L posts but 
when it comes to a milonga, I think I would rather leave one having had 
a small handful of not-great dances than none).

> ... I've seen men hold out their hand and women just jump.

> ... There's a man in New York who has a reputation for dropping partners on the
> floor. I was amazed that women still danced with him after he dropped one.

> ... I remember a woman who was talking to me say she was now going to dance a
> horrible tanda with a lousy leader. Why?

> Came home to New York where the Argentine Tango is better

Apparently not so much for the women, eh? ;-)

(OTOH Martin says:
> in NYC ... wmen have no problem dancing with
> whomever they want, and turning men down, especially since men outnumber
> women at the overwhelming majority of practicas and milongas.

so who knows? Maybe I'll visit one of these days ...

Shahrukh

"Went to Buenos Aires where the Argentine Tango is getting worse" :-)