[Tango-L] the fear of close embrace

[Jeff]

On 09/17/2010 08:38 AM, macfroggy at aol.com wrote:
>
> The tango embrace is the same as the embrace of someone you love, even 
> though you may not know or care about the person. It is the dance 
> position. In my experience as a tango dancer and teacher, many 
> "foreign" dancers, especially those from Anglo-Saxon traditions, are 
> indeed afraid of the embrace. They are not used to being that close to 
> someone who is not their sweetheart or close relative, and sometimes 
> their emotions get all confused after a tanda of moving together as 
> one hugged so close by a stranger.

Ok, I'll play Devil's Advocate. In many cultures -- including 
Anglo-Saxon ones -- respecting personal space is the most basic way to 
show you acknowledge that the other person is indeed a person. Crossing 
into somebody's personal space without their permission is one of the 
easiest ways to register contempt for them. In many cultures (including 
the US) invading someone's personal space is exactly how to pick a 
fight. So yes, in other countries it might not been seen in the same 
way, but the fact of the matter is that this is strongly ingrained for a 
good reason and if the dancers are having a hard time overcoming it, it 
is most likely due to the fact they are showing very polite and 
respectful treatment of their partner, which is a good thing. Your 
assessment that they are "afraid of the embrace"  strikes me as fatuous 
and culturally grievously insensitive. I'm all for understanding and 
embracing other cultures, but it should work both ways, shouldn't it?

What's more, women should be allowed to set the distance for the dance 
so they are in their own comfort zone. If I am dancing with a woman for 
the first time and she starts in open embrace, the last thing I will 
ever do is force the issue, even though I really have no idea how to do 
open embrace.  Women should never feel compelled to have any male at 
close quarters if they don't want to. What would you do? Later, when she 
feels more comfortable (which might be all of 1 minute) the embrace can 
be adjusted to where it needs to be. I do not disagree that close 
embrace makes for a better dance, easier body mechanics, etc, but I do 
dispute strongly that it's all due to people being uptight or weird. 
Several of my favorite partners are much more relaxed around me than 
other dancers since, I think, they realized that I was not trying to 
force the issue.

So to get them to do the embrace close means finding partners who are 
comfortable with each other at that distance. If they are able to do it 
in that context but not in others there is probably a lot more going on 
than just the embrace and telling them to dance closer will probably 
never really work.

Jeff