[Tango-L] Care & Feeding & Fantasy

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

At the heart of it all, tango is a fantasy.

Which is a good thing because facing reality can be pretty tough.  So I think the answer to the care and feeding of leaders & followers, whether they are new or not, is an upkeep of this fantasy.  How many of us long-time tangueros have reflected back on our earlier dance selves and thought "Yikes!  What was I thinking?!"

For beginning men, which is indeed a group that needs more nurturing, I've found that it is really about women giving them confidence, which feeds into a fantasy that they can be a good dancer.  Many women get the wrong idea that they are being helpful when they correct a man at a milonga.    The best thing for women to do is to be the best follower they can be, make it easy for the man, compliment him when he's making progress.  Women have a tendency to blame the man and not realize that they are part of the equation.  Women need to think of the dance as "we", not "he". 
 
The cabeceo plays into this fantasy for some.  For others it can present a harsh reality.  Or they can makeup whatever fantasy they want to explain away the reality.  Social graces plays into the fantasy, as well.  All of this fantasy plays out at the milonga.

In the real world, though, at classes or practicas, I find that the men/women most likely to stick around are the ones who develop a relationship with the teacher or organizer.  They'll ask questions, will help out at milongas, etc.  They'll also develop relationships with other tangueros.  Road trips to other cities for workshops or milongas help create a bond.  All of this, of course, reinforces the fantasy.

Trini de Pittsburgh