[Tango-L] introducing the cabeceo (card)

[Jack Dylan]

----- Original Message ----
> From: Tine Herreman tango-L at tangomuse.com
 
> In the US, the cabeceo is in the interest *only* of dancers who want
> to decline invitations. > 

 Is that true? I'm sure that the cabeceo was invented in Argentina, not 
for the benefit of the lady, but for the men to avoid public rejections. 
And, if a lady doesn't want to accept a verbal invitation, I really don't see 
what's so difficult about a smile, a shake of the head and to say "thank 
you but not right now - maybe another time". The smile is important. :-)  
Although rare, I've done this myself when being invited by a lady. 
No harm done. 

> Obviously this strategy is dead in the water in the US where a public
> verbal refusal is considered a minor setback, 

You're in NYC where, perhaps, people are fairly thick-skinned. For many 
men, including me, a public, verbal rejection can be devastating if not 
done properly, i.e. as described above. It's been mentioned more than 
once in this forum that after such a rejection, the man has never asked 
that lady to dance again [ever]. I started to use the walking cabeceo 
exclusively after 2 such brutal rejections. I've never been rejected since 
because, if the girl doesn't want to dance with me, she won't make 
eye-contact. That's the beauty of the cabeceo for the man - no more 
rejections. It seems like a win-win situation and I can't understand why 
there's any resistance to it's use. It just seems like more education 
is needed and the card idea sounds good - but, as sombody suggested, 
have the cards on the tables or a note pinned to the door or an explanation 
of the cabeceo by milonga organisers.

One final point for the men - does any man really want to dance with 
a woman who really doesn't want to dance with him? I certainly don't. 

Jack