[Tango-L] introducing the cabeceo (card)

[Tine Herreman]

Hi all

Handing somebody such an explanation card sounds like handing somebody
a mint. It probably means something. I think it should sit on the
tables (just like the mints). Or maybe the organizer should include it
with the announcements. Having people practice the cabeceo on
waiters/waitresses when they go to restaurants is very helpful. Once
people are aware of it, example will make it spread. But only a subset
of the population will ever adopt it, and here is why.

In the US, the cabeceo is in the interest *only* of dancers who want
to decline invitations. The cabeceo is counterproductive for those
less desirable dancers who would see their acceptance rate go down if
they made it easier for people to decline them. For these people the
cabeceo strategy carries only penalties in the form of declined
dances; the benefit is the rejection is more discrete, but I think
most don't care about that. In sum, the result is negative.

The cabeceo is also counterproductive for people who are not familiar
with it, because they miss out; however this is easily remedied by
public information and word of mouth. It is different for the above
category who would need to become more desirable partners, which is
harder to do.

We don't have a problem with verbal askers provided they are people we
generally want to dance with (barring some negotiations about the
details, this set/next vals set etc), so the cabeceo is more or less a
neutral strategy for the partners we like. It's nice, but not
essential, and has a marginal influence on the outcome of the
negotiation.

"Everybody else" should use the cabeceo so we can refuse them with
minimal fuss, and to these inviters the cabeceo is a handicap because
it sets them up for failure to get dances.

Obviously this strategy is dead in the water in the US where a public
verbal refusal is considered a minor setback, and the culture counsels
renewed determination in the face of adversity. No problem: ask the
lady in the next chair, and the next one after that! In Argentina the
guys are really worried about having to slink off empty-handed after
being unceremoniously rejected for all to see. So in Argentina, verbal
asking is the strategy with the penalty potential of public
humiliation. Here, it's the cabeceo, and the penalty is a decline in
dances.

A final consideration is that the cabeceo may have the unintended
effect of excluding visiting strangers. In New York we get lots of
visiting strangers, ppl on business and such. If you are cabeceo'd by
a person you've never seen before and who has been sitting alone at a
table for a while, will you accept? As a milonga host, when I have
time I try to measure these people up and introduce them to a suitable
person from among my more helpful regulars. If you visit my milonga
(Tango Lounge Fridays in NYC), before you hit the bar, come introduce
yourself to me.

All that said, I am in favor of the cabeceo and use it whenever
possible. I am a follower who also leads and I use it on men and
women. It works less well on women, maybe because they don't expect an
invitation from another woman. I am more likely to be the initiator of
the cabeceo. I avoid looking at people I don't want to dance with or
when I am busy.

Tine
DJ/organizer/dancer
NYC