[Tango-L] Fwd: introducing the cabeceo (card)

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

It doesn't take years of experience or a certain reputation to suggest a man wait until the music starts before accepting a tanda.  It's usually just that the man hasn't thought about it.  He's accustomed to either yes or no, not maybe.  If he gets the same "let's hear the music first" from women, regardless of their skill level, he'll figure it out.  Typically, the man's initial reaction is "perhaps she doesn't like the music", so he doesn't realize that it might be him and he won't feel so bad if she turns him down.  White lies have their place.

Personally, if I was a leader who received a such a card, I'd laugh (internally, of course).  I might consider it an insult that the woman trusted me with her body but not enough with her feelings to let me know that she'd like to try the cabeceo next time.  Maybe I'm just more concerned about the environment.

Millongas are SOCIAL occasions.  People need to bring their social skills to it, not just rules.  Are we so numbed by the internet and Facebook and Twitter that we have forgotten the art of conversation?  Of socializing?  Of delivering lines to acheive a certain effect?

Women have wiles.  There are times when they should use them.

Trini


--- On Fri, 10/15/10, Balazs Gyenis <gyepi at hps.elte.hu> wrote:

> From: Balazs Gyenis <gyepi at hps.elte.hu>
> Subject: [Tango-L] Fwd:  introducing the cabeceo (card)
> To: "Tango-L" <tango-l at mit.edu>
> Date: Friday, October 15, 2010, 8:46 PM
>       Hi all,
> 
>  Thanks for the public and private feedback so far!
> 
> > Why doesn't the woman just tell the man after the
> tanda?
> 
> > If a man asks me to dance before the music starts, I
> just say "let's see what the music is", and then we'll
> decide together.  I've never had a man repeat the same
> mistake when asking me to dance at another time.
> 
>   If you are a dancer and teacher with 15+ years of tango
> experience,
> resolute to refuse dances, and willing to sit through
> milongas without
> dancing more than a few tandas, you don't need solutions
> like this.