[Tango-L] introducing the cabeceo (card)

Wed Oct 13 17:28:15 EDT 2010

       Hi all,

  Q: Do people here have experience about instituting the cabeceo to tango
communities where it is practically nonexistent? Any strategies that work?

  I would be curious to hear about implementation successes and failures. It
is not obvious how such a shift could be orchestrated even when some
important prerequisites - suitable venue, mindful DJ - are present and when
there are many tangueras and tangueros in the community who would actually
prefer using it. A lonely tanguera deciding to decline dancers who simply
walk to her risks being misunderstood and not asked out again even by
leaders with whom she would like to dance otherwise. A lonely tanguero
deciding to seek out partners only by looking and nodding towards them, in
an environment where all other leaders walk to partners to ask for dances,
risks coming through as a creepy guy who likes staring at women. With time,
especially in smaller, more stable communities where the custom of cabeceo
is at least heard of (i.e. in medium-sized cities in North America)
individual dancers may spread the word about their preferences for asking
out/for being asked out, but not everyone is willing to invest the energy
and time needed for that, not to mention dealing with the various stresses
involved (rejecting partners who walk to you, worrying about the stress this
rejection might cause to them, getting into awkward educational discussions
about the cabeceo during milonga etc).

  In general I think cabeceo is not going to become widespread unless a
sufficiently large group of `best' followers start to enforce it visibly and
simultaneously; they are also the ones for whom this practice would be most
advantageous. The question is whether this could be done in a way that
sufficiently reduces the risks and stresses, makes it relatively easy to
handle situations when someone simply walks to the tanguera to ask her for
the dance, and does not lead to a permanent drop in the number of wanted
dances.

  I thought maybe this cause could be helped by `cabeceo cards' and an
accompanied action plan. (Photo: http://goo.gl/WsCJ . I'm lazy so with
permission I copy below a detailed description of the idea recently sent
around by a tanguera who wishes to remain anonymous). I printed out a number
of these cards and experiments in some cities where I have
cabeceo-enthusiast partners are already under way but the outcome is unclear
yet. I hoped to hear some further constructive ideas to help this effort,
and so any comments about experiences with instituting the cabeceo would be
welcome!
  Thanks! Yours,

      Gy.B.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
[...]

As I am getting more and more familiar with various aspects of tango, I
realize how much value does the cabeceo concept bring to the milonga
experience.  So I wanted to propose to you all that this coming weekend we
will have a little experiment with the cabeceo and if it goes well, and we
are willing to sticking to it, then hopefully it will improve the milonga
dynamics in the [xxx] area. I think we we need a critical mass of good
followers with strong resolve to start using and enforcing cabeceo and
that's why you are all getting this email!

So, here is the concept. A gentleman walks up to you to ask you for a dance,
you tell him that yes, you are very happy to dance with him.  Once a tanda
finishes you hand him a little business card that outlines the new rules of
the game, in case he ever wants to ask you again (everyone needs a chance,
right?). Here is what the card says:

1. Thanks for asking me to dance! I am flattered! YES!

2. I'm trying to adopt the *cabeceo*, whenever it is feasible. Please help!

3. Please cabeceo only *after* the tanda begins. Music first.

4. I try my best to give everyone the same treatment. If you see me agreeing
to a dance when someone simply walks to me, that is likely because I haven't
yet had the chance to let them know. I would need to decline otherwise!

Thank you!

So the "offending" gentleman gets a little card and a warning - that next
time he will have to cabeceo you or face a refusal.  Hopefully the card
explains it all (a complete novice might need a little help on what cabeceo
is though so be kind to explain it to them!)

There are two critical parts to this - first - we have to be attentive when
tandas begin and look around the room once to music starts to intercept a
possible cabeceo!  And waiting till music starts is the second absolutely
crucial point - if the gentleman wants to pick the right lady for that
particular tanda, he first has to hear what music will be playing next, or
whether he wants to dance to that music anyway!  And so, by waiting till the
music starts, we give a chance to the patient leaders who want to match the
partner to the song. If we "contract" a tanda before that, then they are
left out discouraged that the cabeceo did not work!

Good leaders and good followers have the best incentives to adopt the
cabeceo and enforce it - with mutual benefit!  (Not-so-good leaders can't
really be forced to adopt the cabeceo if they can get their dances by simply
walking to the ladies, well, because they wouldn't get those dances through
the cabeceo and so they will simply walk there. Not-so-good followers are
usually happy to get any dances anyway, so it's really hard to create an
effective incentive for them. Good leaders could adopt cabeceo by
themselves, because it is actually quite advantageous to them - they can get
their dances both ways, and they might also realize that when they get their
dances with cabeceo, they actually get an advantage. Dancing really starts
with the moment they seek/ask out the women: having her consenting to the
dance in such a way that she was given the chance to not to consent without
confrontation creates a different psychological setting.)

So now that the reasoning behind the cabeceo project is presented, I wanted
to suggest that we all begin using the cabeceo card! I have gotten a good
amount of them and I can give to each of you 30 - 50 of them so you can
start handing them out to the leaders that approach you and ask you to
dance! There will be some who use cabeceo already, but you should still give
them the card so they will understand better what is happening at the
milonga.

I have the cards and will bring them to the Friday milonga, as well as
Saturday one. [...] And if you are unable to attend this weekend's milongas,
I hope this gains some traction and I will be happy to give you the cards
for your use to enhance the invitation experience.

It will take some time to spread the word and resolve to stick to the
concept, but I think it will pay off in the end.  Good leaders will know
that you will be looking for their cabeceo and it will be easier to avoid
unwanted dances too!

In the early phases of this project and thinking a bit more what I was doing
on my own at the milongas, I had one thought - the followers have to do as
much work as leaders in this cabeceo process. If they engage in a engrossing
chit chat , they will surely miss the cabeceo, but perhaps this is what they
want for that particular tanda. So, if you want to dance to that particular
music, be attentive. if you don't want to dance, you might as well just sit
backwards to everyone! :) We should also be able to socialize at the
milongas without loosing our conversation partner to a verbal invitation to
dance, and when we are not looking for the eye contact, that should mean
that we are happy to sit this one out!

And a final point - it would be nice to have a pocket for the card - but who
wears pants to the milonga! But, a nice little aspect of this is that you
can ask the gentleman to walk you back to your table/chair and then you can
hand him the card. Walking back your partner to where you got her is another
codigo that could use some additional enforcement in North American tango
communities!

I spoke to some of you about it already, for others it is brand new. Let me
know your thoughts about this initiative - do you want to try it or would
you rather just watch from the sidelines? I am testing the waters here so
you can be frank!  You see who got included on this distribution - if there
are other cabeceo fans that I am not aware of (as i said above, not everyone
will have the resolve or incentive to use it either), please tell me so I
can include them!  [xxx]

Anyway, sorry for this long email - I hope you don't mind!  Some of you I
have not seen in a long time - it would be great to see you again this
weekend!!!! :)

p.s.
David Pheasant had a nice thread/comment on practical aspects of using
cabeceo on TC very recently but I cannot seem to find it right now - so I
cannot link it!
some practical aspects:
it makes sense to sit in the same place at all times (if everyone else goes
back orderly to their tables) - then everyone knows which direction to look
:)
if the room is too big and the lights are too dark then cabeceo gets harder!
we will have to get innovative and implement "walking cabeceo?" :)

-----

-- 
Balazs Gyenis
Department of History and Philosophy of Science, University of Pittsburgh
1017 Cathedral of Learning, Pittsburgh, PA 15260, USA
http://www.pitt.edu/~gyepi