[Tango-L] Social-ethical behaviors

[Alexis Cousein]

On 14/08/2010 03:32, Trini y Sean (PATangoS) wrote:
> My observation is that a couple who dances a lot with each other (more than 3 tandas) are either:
>
> 1)  interested in each other,
> 2) so bad that no one else wants to dance with them, or
> 3) so much better than everyone else that they're not really interested in dancing with others.

4) uncomfortable in asking anyone else because they both don't know
too many people (especially at milongas that have staunchly
established cliques) or aren't sure about the local codigos about
who is "invitable" by whom.

Happens to me from time to time, actually. It's a lot worse where
the cabeceo is not established (as the cabeceo is quite good
at making you discover the local codes without too much
embarassment).

By the way, I met my wife at a tango event, but my most common
dance partner is someone else (who has another relationship). So
for explanation #1 you shouldn't be reading "interested" too
narrowly. When I stumble across a very good dancer I don't know,
with which I have a really good connection, then I'm certainly
curious but not necessarily interested in breaking up my
marriage and making my two kids very unhappy.

There's also a matter of scale. Say you arrive at a milonga with 80
people out of whom 50 are made out of non-communicating clusters
(i.e. cliques) who will only dance between themselves. That leaves
at best 15 followers. Suppose there are 7 you really don't want
to dance with (a lot), that leaves 8. To avoid dancing more than
three tandas over an evening with any one follower requires a very
good memory (or a note book), and a willingness to avoid dancing
with the few (say three or four) followers with which you have
a really *good* connection in honour of the codigo (and at the
expense of *really* dancing tango -- I know, I'm drifting towards
explanation #3 though I'll make no claims about how good *I* am).

If there are 300 people around and no cliques the story is very,
very different.