[Tango-L] Tango-L/Social-ethical behaviors

[Rafael Grua]

Nice tune wrote:
 
“Recently, I went to a milonga with my ex-girlfriend, (an experienced milonguera) in a city in mid Florida.  We both knew most of the other dancers and they were familiar with us and our close relationship except for few (3 or 4) new guests.  That night, I got to dance only one tanda with her as she danced again and again with a newcomer (unknown to me), enthusiastically talking while waiting during the cortinas.  She showed an evident flirtatious attitude (accommodating her hair with both arms up, and other well known seductive gestures and postures).  She walked several times to where the gentleman was sitting and invited him to dance. In addition, he danced almost exclusively with her.  I was astonished by her behavior and began steaming up. 
 
She got offended later on after the dance, when I tried to discuss her behavior at the milonga.  She categorically denied my observations, refused to discuss the issue arguing that she did not know what I was talking about and that "I'm an insecure man." Then, she sabotaged our relationship by being angry, refusing any reasonable dialog, arguing that she had to “lick her wounds.” We broke up two days later.
 
Although all this may be irrelevant to the tread, what is interesting to point out , is the fact that I was judged to be an angry, judgmental, jealous, and controlling man by few of her close friends who, considered that she had done nothing wrong.
 
On the other hand, some other dancers, shared my opinion; according to them she had exhibited tactless, inconsiderate, and even improper behavior, placing me in a humiliating position; all of this aggravated by her subsequent inability to have a rational discussion, adopting a defensive, haughty, and deeply resentful stance.”

 
 
Nicetune, just realize that you may have be a typo or omission because if she was your ex you wouldn’t “broke up with her two days later”.  Your story will be superfluous. If she indeed was your girl friend at the moment, well, why did you wait two days?  It was out of hope, compassion, or manipulation?
I admire your braveness by coming forward sharing your uncomfortable but illustrative experience. It is a rich example of poor judgment from a dancer that probably wants to hear other “tunes” but did not have the character or capacity to do it right. Otherwise, it obviously seems then, that she planned to keep and use you while seeking for other “melodies.” It doesn’t looks to me that she was an “experienced” dancer either. Experienced Argentine Tango dancers are familiar enough with the protocols at milongas. 
 
My frank opinion? Your case evidences the regrettable proclivity of more that few AT dancers of  being unauthentic with this art, replacing a noble purpose with their personal hidden and dubious agendas.  Dancing tango and attending milongas with the main purpose to attract, get relationships, flirt, seduce, conquer, and the like, is a solely consequence of a weak, insecure and immature personality who is craving for constant verifications that they may be attractive and seductive sacrificing their relationships and their own reputation.  You are better off now. Forget and forgive…if you can.
 
Rafi