[Tango-L] Social-ethical behaviours and protocol

[Sergio Vandekier]

Trina says :  "Oh, come on. Chasing the opposite sex is what gave popularity to the tango in the first place. I seriously doubt that the first milongueros were thinking about "art" as they were practicing with each other. "
 
 
As you know tango developed in Bar/brothels in the periphery of both Montevideo and Buenos Aires.
 
So it is logical to think that men would go to those bars as the cowboys used to go to the saloons, in the Far west.  To socialize, to gamble, to dance, to have sex, and frequently to fight.  Duels with knives were frequent  due to minimal offenses.
 
Men practiced with men to learn how to dance or to improve because there were few women to dance with. Decent women did not dance tango.
 
As time went by, things changed.  Tango became respectable,  it ambulated from the suburbs to the city, and from brothels to family homes and distinguish dancing places.
 
I think that it is fair to say that today, most people go to the milongas to dance. There is limited socialization, you arrive, you greet people that you  know and you sit. Alone sometimes, or with a group of people of the same sex when you wish to dance with your usual partners.
 
Everyone dances with certain partners, at certain times of the evening, or to certain orchestras. This pattern is repeated week after week.
So a dancer has three or four partners with whom he/she does not have any romantic involvement.
 
If a lady comes with company of the  opposite sex, or sits with such a person, or even shows an interest in him; such as talking to him more that the usual time...then the other men will not ask her to dance.  Frequently this extends to the following weeks, even when she comes alone and sits by herself.  She is perceived as having and interest or a romantic relationship with another man (even when he did not come-he might come later, who knows?).
 
This codes originated for a reason.  In old times the behavior as described by Nicetune at the milonga would have caused a challenge to fight outside, frequently ending with at least one death.
 
There are unspoken codes that we all directly or indirectly enforce.  Men will not tolerate that a certain male individual misbehaves with respect to a lady.  They will defend her and even confront the deviant, at the very least verbally.
 
When I was a teenager, in my neighborhood we still had the custom to go to the table and ask the girl to dance. If she rejected you, you had to leave the milonga and then none of your male friends would ask her to dance.
 
To avoid being embarrassed by rejection, I would walk to a girl's table to invite her to dance, if she rejected me then I smiled to her and asked her that we talked for a moment so that we would give the impression that I had gone there just to talk. That way I could remain at the milonga.
 
Other times all the girls stood at one side of the dancing floor and all the men at the other, and we used Cabeceo to invite to dance.
 
Summary:  Ruben is from Uruguay (I believe) and he knows the milonga codes, it is fair to say that most people go to the milonga to dance.
 
If some romance develops, even better. But the main purpose of going there is to dance, just for the pleasure of dancing. 
It is not the favorite place to pick up women.  There are many other places and occasions.
 
Best regards, Sergio