[Tango-L] Fw: Social-ethical behaviours and protocols

[Ruben Malan]

[Tango-L] Social-ethical behaviors and protocols From Nicetune:    
"Recently, I went to a milonga with my ex-girlfriend, (an experienced milonguera) in a city in mid Florida.  We both knew most of the other dancers and they were familiar with us and our close relationship except for few (3 or 4) new guests.  That night, I got to dance only one tanda with her as she danced again and again with a newcomer (unknown to me), enthusiastically talking while waiting during the cortinas.  She showed an evident flirtatious attitude (accommodating her hair with both arms up, and other well known seductive gestures and postures).  She walked several times to where the gentleman was sitting and invited him to dance. In addition, he danced almost exclusively with her.  I was astonished by her behavior and began steaming up. 
She got offended later on after the dance, when I tried to discuss her behavior at the milonga.  She categorically denied my observations, refused to discuss the issue arguing that she did not know what I was talking about and that "I'm an insecure man." Then, she sabotaged our relationship by being angry, refusing any reasonable dialog, arguing that she had to "lick her wounds." We broke up two days later.
Although all this may be irrelevant to the tread, what is interesting to point out , is the fact that I was judged to be an angry, judgmental, jealous, and controlling man by few of her close friends who, considered that she had done nothing wrong. On the other hand, some other dancers, shared my opinion; according to them she had exhibited tactless, inconsiderate, and even improper behavior, placing me in a humiliating position; all of this aggravated by her subsequent inability to have a rational discussion, adopting a defensive, haughty, and deeply resentful stance."

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Thanks "Goodtune" (Astor?) for sharing your story. You must be a musician!

Artists and musicians are commonly considered more romantic, passionate, imaginative, perceptive, intuitive, creative, and sensitive. You look like a very eloquent, intelligent, and selective dancer. With your supposedly musical background you must be also a good milonguero. With that in mind I wander why in the first place you pick a girlfriend who evidenced personality problems like insecurity, etc, etc.?  She must be an extremely beautiful woman and a consumated dancer!  I'm suspicious that her behavior at the milonga was not disconnected with her behavior before it, since you met her. You could have seen or detected those negative traits much earlier Franktune!   :-)

There are many other considerations in this particular case which may explain in part, the unexpected poor judgment and bad behavior such as: different ethnic or cultural backgrounds, effects of medications and other drugs, alcohol, side effects of a particular food or supplements, temporary amnesia, blurred vision, use of hypnotic powers, subconscious urges, perhaps your poor tango technique, fragrances, look and size of individuals, eloquence, appeal, shoes and other noticeable dancing skills of the newcomer, and many other possible "justifications."  

What surely may be questionable here and in my view worthy to further and seriously discuss it in this forum, is the need from some individuals to distort the main purpose of Argentine Tango Dancing: learn, promote, expand, improve, cultivate, share, practice, and enjoy, this beautiful art form, a unique cultural expression which is a rich preserbable patrimony of humanity. Although a social, sensual, and admittedly seductive dance form, many individuals are into it for other personal reasons non-wisely prioritized. Unfortunately, some A.T. dancers are attending milongas with a goal in mind: TO MAKE A CATCH. This demeanor perhaps in my opinion, could dim the success of tango and milongas, discouraging decent and well motivated dancers, and create a bad image of our noble activity. Hopefully there are still people that promptly perceive the difference and authenticity of intentions, and soon come forward to either denounce it as you valiantly did, to support your point or part of it, or to add something positive in order to promote a "healthy" Argentine Tango dancing.  Cheers!

Ruben