[Tango-L] Milonga "Codigos"

[Shahrukh Merchant]

This term has been bandied about a lot. It doesn't help that the word 
"codigo" (code), while used in the sense of "social codes," nonetheless 
conjures up connotations of mystery and secrecy. I much prefer the term 
"Milonga traditions" as it suggests it *is* in fact, a tradition, rather 
than a rigid code, and that it is to be respected as such.

The problem is further exacerbated by those who wish to use the 
so-called codigos as a weapon, to divide, rather than as a tool, to 
educate, which is antithetical to the spirit of the codigos. (I very 
much like tradition, but I hate hypocrisy even more.)

Ultimately, the "codigos" are nothing more than a statement of the 
obvious: "A man is expected to behave like a gentleman, and a woman like 
a lady." Nothing really new there, but sometimes people get so caught up 
in blindly trying to observe some perceived rule, that they forget about 
the basic principle behind it--some examples on this later.

I'll classify the codigos (I'll continue to use this term for this 
posting) into six categories:

1. COMMON SENSE CODES THAT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TRUE AND WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE

Examples: Don't crash into other couples of the dance floor (duh!), look 
where you're going so that you don't, don't take up more than your share 
of space. Basically, don't be a boor and spoil other people's fun. Even 
places that promote "no codigos" as a freer more liberal atmosphere are 
hardly advocating the people behave like jerks (they are mostly 
announcing that you can dance the style of your choice with the partner 
of your choice, inviting him/her in the manner that you want, dress as 
you like, etc.).

2. RULES FROM SOCIAL DANCE SALONS (ORIGINATED FROM EUROPEAN BALLROOM 
TRADITIONS FROM A CENTURY OR MORE AGO), THAT CONTINUE TO BE FOLLOWED IN 
THE MAINSTREAM AT LEAST.

Examples: Dance counter-clockwise (for dances that travel), man leads 
and woman follows, everyone dances the same dance (the one that matches 
the music that's being played) and is expected to have at least a basic 
vocabulary and knowledge of that dance to invite and/or accept. Basic 
standards of good dress and hygiene.

Alberto says that the "code" of dancing counter-clockwise does not seem 
to be followed anymore, but that is not true; counter-clockwise is still 
the only direction that one is expected to dance. What has deteriorated 
(and what Alberto probably meant, I suspect) is the enforcement of "need 
to have a basic knowledge of the dance," to the point that those who 
cannot even move in the right direction are permitted to keep dancing, 
to the detriment of the enjoyment of others.

3. *TRADITIONS* FROM SOCIAL DANCE SALONS.

Similar to (2) but more susceptible to change with the times. Some 
continue to be observed, while modernity has relegated others to 
quaintness. In some cases, like escorting the woman back to the table, 
men will get "caballero" (gentleman) points for continuing to observe 
them, but won't be ostracized for not doing so.

Examples: Escorting the woman to the table (situation and culture 
dependent--would be odd at an informal milonga or practica where there 
is no fixed seating, for example), man asks and woman accepts (or 
not)--this one is increasingly culture-dependent too, one dresses up to 
go to a Milonga, etc.

Note that there is NOTHING Tango-specific so far in any of these 
so-called codes. This is just general etiquette.

4. ARGENTINE OR LATIN SOCIAL TRADITIONS.

E.g., you don't try to "steal" another man's woman, not even for one 
tanda. This one is highly variable in Milongas now, even in Buenos 
Aires, but it depends a lot on the Milonga and on the dynamics. It is 
hard to come up with a one-size-fits-all rule here. You have to develop 
the sensitivity and play it by ear if you want to push the envelope on 
this one.

Anecdote: I was at a traditional milonga a few nights ago where I 
wouldn't even dream of asking the woman in a couple (Argentine) who had 
clearly come together and were seated by themselves. The man, however, 
sent me a message via one of the people at my table for me to ask the 
woman to dance as she wanted to dance with me. I looked up, and they 
were both nodding furiously towards me! This "here take my woman" forced 
reverse cabeceo (sounds like something out of an Olympics gymnastics 
narration, doesn't it?) did put me in a bit of a spot, but it was both 
amusing and mildly flattering so I didn't mind.

Anyway, these rules cannot be applied arbitrarily in other cultures and 
other countries, but in most if not all cultures, it would be considered 
in poor taste to interrupt a starry-eyed couple holding hands and gazing 
into each others' eyes, in order to ask one of them to dance. But there 
is a lot in between the extremes that just cannot be treated as 
black-and-white anymore.

For the most part, at least in Buenos Aires, it is still safe to say 
that if there is a table with exactly one couple, or maybe a table with 
two couples (who act like 2 couples rather than a group of 4), then they 
are off limits to others. Exceptions to this will be signalled by the 
man inviting another woman to dance (which is no longer met with the 
consternation with which it used to be, even in the more traditional 
milongas). The cabeceo certainly helps here!

5. MILONGA-SPECIFIC CODIGOS.

Those that may have had their origin elsewhere, but are usually not seen 
outside a milonga, or have no meaning outside of a milonga.

Examples: Dance through the end of the tanda, always stop dancing with 
that person and leave the floor at the end of the tanda.

6. "PRESERVATIONIST" CODIGOS.

Those invented and promoted by certain individuals or groups of 
individuals who wish to preserve "the way it was" in the face of 
encroaching change, or in some cases simply for commercial or egoistic 
reasons, or more innocently as a personal preference. I'm not saying 
that they are good or bad--my personal opinion of them vary from case to 
case. But some examples of this:

- "Men don't dance with men (at Milongas) and women don't dance with 
women." This was rarely an issue until recent years. Anecdote: I went 
with a group of mostly-US friends recently to a traditional milonga (we 
were the only non-Argentines--we were also the only ones under 60 for 
that matter!). Two of the girls, after some trepidation, decided to 
dance a tanda with each other. Two of the regulars (men), gave them the 
thumbs-up sign ("we know this is unusual but go for it," would be my 
interpretation). A third came up to them later and said, "Women don't 
dance with each other at milongas," which flustered them enough for them 
to resume their seats. Draw your own conclusions, but it's not black and 
white. There is an woman organizer of a *traditional* milonga who will 
occasionally invite a woman to dance (at her milonga as well as others 
that she frequents).

- "You don't take pictures at Milongas," sometimes supplemented with 
some ridiculous claim that the reason is that so many people at Milongas 
are having extramarital affairs that a photo is likely to "fall into the 
wrong hands" and compromise the secrecy of the affair. (Oh, really!) But 
it is certainly annoying to have flashbulbs going off constantly, and 
certainly more so if people are taking pictures of the dance floor. But 
if someone is celebrating a birthday at a table, it is quite typical for 
them to take a few pictures when the cake is being cut. If there are 
enough people taking pictures, though, it does create somewhat of a 
circus atmosphere which takes away from the ambiance of the milonga.

- "Taxi dancers should be shunned." As stated by Alberto (I had never 
heard this before, but I don't doubt that some people perpetuate this). 
I suppose the logic is something like, "Well, if a prostitute came into 
a Milonga dressed like a slut, blatantly trying to pick up clients, 
would you stand for that?!" It's hardly the same, but it's a new enough 
phenomenon that the jury is still out on that. It is a sort of 
commercialism that can take away from the social atmosphere, especially 
in a Milonga with a large proportion of regulars. Milonga organizers 
undoubtedly are balancing the extra business that they get, with the 
number of regular clients that they are likely to displease. And of 
course it makes a difference how the taxi dancer conducts himself. If 
he's wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with "Latin Lovers Taxi Dancers" 
www.ILoveMyTaxiDancer.com 5555-5555" he's bound to get more snide 
comments and resentment than if he's elegantly dressed and discreet.

- "You never change your shoes at the table," you do it in the dressing 
rooms. (Excuse me, have you ever been to the men's room at a Milonga in 
Buenos Aires? Where, for example, in the men's room in El Beso, where 
there is barely standing room, can you be expected to change your shoes 
balancing on one foot?) Separate Tango and dress street shoes, at least 
for men, is a relatively new thing, so the older tangueros at 
traditional milongas don't have this issue. (Women's dressing rooms do 
seem to have more space for this.) That being said, it would be good 
manners at least to have a decent bag in which to put your street shoes, 
and perhaps check them in, rather than have them scattered about under 
the table.


Really, if you think about this, except for the few milonga-specific 
rules about dancing through the end of the tanda, etc., all of this can 
be boiled down to having social graces, being considerate and respectful 
of others, and behaving like a lady/gentleman. Since people are not born 
with this, and learn this to different degrees in their lives, and there 
is always some inter-generational friction on this point, there has 
always been and will always be the need for some kind of "unwritten 
rules" on the subject.

Try to respect them when you're in Buenos Aires, or their local versions 
when you're anywhere else for that matter, but remember that (a) they 
are evolving, albeit slowly, (b) that a loss of a tradition is not 
always an evolution--very often it's an irretrievable (though sometimes 
unavoidable) loss to society and (c) that sometimes people have their 
personal agendas and issues wrapped up in what they try to promote as an 
inviolable codigo.

Shahrukh

P.S. Just read Sergio Vandekier's translation of Frederic Megret's paper 
on Milonga codes (after writing the above). THANK YOU, Sergio (and 
Frederic, if he's listening). That was a beautiful translation of a 
beautiful work! "... the citizen milonguero ... will provide his stone 
to the edifice of the milonga." What a beautifully humbling sentence!