[Tango-L] Report from Buenos Aires #6: Social customs

[Michael]

Several years ago, somebody wrote on the list that you shouldn´t take
photos or videos at milongas because some people don´t want to be seen
with partners they aren´t married to. I thought this was strange but
then the Argentine culture is different from the American culture.

An Argentine man, who was in the States for three years and spoke good
English (better than my Spanish) told me:
"I have a wife.
I have a lover.
I can´t take on any more women."

I don´t remember how it came up in conversation because I wouldn´t
think of asking. But based on his comment, the previous listing now
makes sense. I just wonder where the man´s wife and lover are while he
is dancing.

Couples who have a private relationship and want to keep it private,
enter the milonga separately and sit separately. They will not dance
two consecutive tandas, which is common in the States. They will dance
with other dancers before they return to each other.

Why? The Argentines have behavior codes. One of them is not to dance
with somebody else´s life partner. Men don´t use cabeceo with a woman
sitting at a table with another man. If the Argentines think that two
people are a couple, men won´t ask and women won´t accept an
invitation.

Cabeceo problem: Two men and a woman
It´s not first come, first served. If the woman isn´t standing when
you are in her  proximity, start wondering if she accepted your
invitation. If you see another man closing in, start wondering if you
came in second place. I´ve been told that men will go to the men´s
room if they came in second. But sometimes, the men´s room is in the
opposite direction.

Cabeceo problem: Two women and a man
I´ve seen both women run back to their tables in embarrassment,
sometimes letting out a shriek which only calls attention to the
miscommunication. The man has to be quick to go after the woman he
wanted to dance because it will look terrible for him. To ask one
woman to dance, get two, and dance with NONE, that´s embarrassing,
though regardless of size of ego, nobody seems to die from it.

I´ll be posting a review of the milongas Í´ve attended and I hope
others do the same. Dropping names of milongas, e.g. Canning,
Sunderland, Almagro really doesn´t help.

Back to line of dance

If I was the only foreigner who was involved in collisions, I wouldn´t
post to the list because it would advertise my poor dancing skills.
When I see Argentines have collisions, well, that´s a different story.

To clarify about my Gricel listing. I commented only on the difficulty
of getting out from my table and meeting the woman on the floor. The
host Thursday night was very pleasant and spoke English when I said
¨Soy Norteamericano. Espanol no esta prima idioma." (I´m a north
American. Spanish isn´t my primary language.)

I´ve gotten some private nasty messages, which I´ve decided to ignore.
(One message came from an American who lives in BA. She used to live
in the Bay Area in California, and has been banned from Tango L.). If
you want to say I´m wrong, then you should publicly post and offer
your personal experience instead of complaining about my dance skills.
I took weekly, private lessons for 8 years and have been dancing for
AT for about 11 years. I wouldn´t think of coming here unless I was
confident of my skills. Dancing at Denver and Atlanta Tango Festivals
was a test. Dancing at small dance floors in New York was a test. I´m
not somebody who has 2 years of experience before coming to BA.

But if you don´t believe me, COME HERE FOR YOURSELF!

Reporting from Buenos Aires
Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC
-- 
I'd rather be dancing Argentine Tango