[Tango-L] To Dance -- or Not to Dance: That is the Question

[Nina Pesochinsky]

I have asked this question before - who do you dance with, folks?  Do 
you dance with people or with their tango abilities?

Personally, I dance with people.  If I like the person, and his 
technique has suddenly deteriorated for some mysterious reason, such 
as a spell of some tango sorcerer in Siberia, I would certainly 
attempt to remove the spell.

Tango technique is a fluid thing - it can be restored and 
reconstructed.  In tango, as in all dance, some days are better than 
others.  Some days, there is axis and other days it is on vacation 
some place.  Some days, the body does what it is supposed to and 
other days it decides to do its own thing and no amount of arguing 
can change anything.  Somehow we push through those moments and dance 
works out.

But a person can be destroyed by rejection.  Tango trauma is a serious thing.

One of the biggest problems with assumptions in all aspects of life 
is attribution.  We often attribute incorrectly.  Michael said that 
the woman's tension was from dancing with men that don't have good 
technique.  But maybe she had a stressful day instead.  There is no 
linear cause and effect in human experience or behavior.

Tango accepts people as they are, with all their feelings.  In Buenos 
Aires, that is still the beauty of the experience - you are expected 
to dance your feelings, whatever they may be that day.  There is 
freedom in that and integrity.

All the best,

Nina



At 09:12 PM 9/28/2008, Michael wrote:
>Based on a lot of messages on this topic, about only dancing with 
>good dancers and should a lead be refused, I've combined my answer 
>into one message.
>
>1) I understand what Ilene wrote. I remember meeting a woman at a 
>practica. She was very stiff, tight and difficult to lead because 
>her muscles were frozen from men who lead with their arms, pulling 
>and pushing her off her balance. I told her to relax and she danced 
>much better. We used to dance a lot. Then she went back to the men 
>who caused her to dance poorly because of their tight frame. She 
>absorbed her tension like a sponge absorbs water. After a while her 
>dancing deteriorated and I stopped dancing with her.
>
>Everybody has to answer for themselves if dancing bad tango is 
>better than no tango. There is no universal right answer. Everybody 
>makes the decision for themselves.
>
>2) Refusing a lead
>There are a few reasons a woman refuses a lead. When I danced in NY 
>Sept 20 at Sandra Cameron, there were a few women I couldn't lead 
>because they were pushing so hard outward on my left hand, they 
>threw themselves off our alignment. All I can is drop her arm 
>downward and keep it down no matter how hard she pushes. The other 
>type is part of a dialogue. Virginia Kelly taught a great class at 
>the NY Tango Festival (the one in the summer NOT the one coming up) 
>called Interleading. The woman stopped the man dead in his tracks so 
>she could do a figure. As long as I was relaxed and understood what 
>was going on, I didn't freak out. Tango is a dialogue. When the 
>woman talks, the man has to listen.
>
>
>Michael
>Resumed Spanish class for my trip to BA next year
>I'd rather be dancing Argentine Tango
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Ilene Marder" <imhmedia at yahoo.com>
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Lead an invitation that can be ignored or faught
>
>
>I once asked a very good, very well known dancer  why he didn't dance with
>me anymore. he said... basically..." look at who you are dancing 
>with...some of them
>are not very good and they don't make you look very good.  If I dance
>with you next, it makes me look bad..."
>
>
>Jack Dylan wrote:
>
>It seems that Sean will not only not dance with women who are not 
>good dancers but with women who agree
>to dance with men who are not good dancers.
>
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