[Tango-L] Lead an invitation that can be ignored or faught

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

--- On Tue, 9/23/08, Alexis Cousein <al at sgi.com> wrote:

> Whether "resist" is an appropriate word is a matter of semantics. And I disagree that it's totally unkosher for her to "force room" or "take over", at least if you understand the context (i.e. don't take the words
> as if they came from a military dictionary).

Trini, here.  I think we're thinking along the same lines, but the choice of words is extremely important because it is difficult for women to understand how to express themselves within the context of the man's marca.  And it's important for men to understand that they shouldn't be wusses, either.

One thing I should point out is that generally speaking, men can easily overpower a woman.  Especially, when she's normally on one foot and he is on two.  So when I'm following a man who easily outweighs me, all I can do is propose something else.  It is extremely rare for me to have to "ground down" to truly resist and overcome a man's power (only 3 men in 13 years of dancing) and it was a lot of work.

So, if a man is going to take an action that may collide us into another couple, I can suggest that we stay where we are or suggest a slower timing or something else that will avoid a collision.  However, from a strength point alone, he could overcome this proposal and we'd go crash.  So what makes him decide to listen when I do suggest a stop?  The fact that such a proposal from me is out of the ordinary.  The fact that I don't "resist" him when we're dancing.  

For women who want to improve their dancing, they also have to understand that each leader may need a different response (something men understand more easily than women).  For example, one man might like my free leg to close more quickly on turns whereas another might enjoy the feeling of my leg "whooshing" at it's natural speed.  If the first man alters his lead to encourage me to close more quickly, then I'm likely not going to resist.  Why?  Because it's also my responsibility to make the dance enjoyable for him, as well, and to give him the chance to give me his best dance.  If I resist his lead to close a little more quickly, then I'm depriving him of that and could be depriving us of something interesting.

I've encountered too many women, who have this idea they can modify the dance at will...and they can't understand why the really good men don't want to dance with them.  These are women who look fine on the dance floor and are often dancing for years.  The fact is that they need to learn how to follow a lot better first.

> Fancy that. I was going to say that about most men --
> they're usually too engrossed in the steps to notice the music too much, while the women can *choose* when to act and *can* actually listen to the music with more than a quarter brain. 

Women who lead well enough to dance socially at a milonga will often develop better musicality skills than women who don't.  I know several women whose deejaying skills improved after they learned how to lead.  Both credited having to hear the music differently as a leader.  Aside from women leaders, I find that more men are willing to work on their musicality than women and the results show.  Could be our regional differences.

Trini de Pittsburgh