[Tango-L] 30 seconds of chit-chat

[Shahrukh Merchant]

True enough that this seems more natural in Buenos Aires than elsewhere. 
Probably because of the relative anonymity and size and flux of the 
community, one is often dancing with people unknown to you, and it's a 
way of greeting that person and having a small conversation. But that is 
not the entire explanation, since it is common to do so with everyone 
you are dancing with, even if you know him or her well. The music is 
part of the explanation as well--not just to hear it, since true that 
doesn't need more than a few seconds, but rather to start the internal 
flow with the music even before you start dancing outwardly.

Dubravko Kakarigi <dubravko_2005 at yahoo.com> says:
> ... However, all I need/want to know about my
> dance partner I learn through dancing with her, not through talking
> with her.

Oh, not at all for me (regardless of whether or not I would like to 
"have a coffee with her" later, or even another tanda for that matter). 
The natural connection of a (verbal) conversation absolutely affects the 
subsequent "tango" conversation.

All I can say that the dances in the rest of the tanda after the first 
chit-chat period are much more comfortable for me, since I am dancing 
with someone who in some sense has become more "real" (after even a 
semi-superficial conversation).

> Actually having any spoken conversation is very distracting
> for me.

As far as talking *during* the dance, I think most people would agree 
with you. It is even distracting for me when other couples near me are 
talking while dancing!

> Does anyone know if it is considered rude to dance (in place) during
> those 30 chat seconds? I never had anyone tell me so, but perhaps
> people might just be too polite to complain.

I don't think it's considered rude in and of itself, though it could be 
perceived as trying to rush people around you to get started, which 
could be annoying depending on how crowded the floor is and how subtly 
you manage to do so. It is unusual enough that certainly in Buenos Aires 
you would be identified as a newcomer to (Buenos Aires) milongas.

There have been a few instances when perhaps because of my mood or that 
of my partner, no conversation develops in those 30 seconds, but one 
still stands silently in place. Sometimes it feels natural, sometimes a 
little weird (since almost all the other couples ARE chatting during 
this time), but it's still not a reason to get started prematurely.

Oh, one other "data point": this is strictly for *between* songs in a 
tanda, not at the end of the tanda, nor before the first song. For the 
first song, usually one would have entered the floor after the first 30 
seconds anyway, but even if you got on the floor after 5 seconds, you 
would take the dance hold almost right away, maybe be still a few 
seconds longer than usual depending on your preference of starting on 
certain musical phrasing, but not really do any chit-chat until the end 
of the first song. If you get on the floor at the beginning of the 
second or subsequent song of the tanda during the chit-chat period, you 
would wait out the rest of the chit-chat period (I generally rarely 
chit-chat then if it's someone I don't know since no "dance connection" 
has been established).

All of this sounds like over-analysis and it probably is. This is not 
what I'm consciously thinking of at the time, of course, but an 
after-the-fact attempt at recreating what happens for the curious who 
haven't experienced it themselves. For those going to Buenos Aires for 
the first time, it's not something to worry about at all. Just be aware 
of it, and you'll probably find that you'll flow into the rhythm rather 
naturally.

It is not common outside Buenos Aires, but I like it enough and it is 
now enough of a habit that I do the chit-chat automatically if I am 
dancing elsewhere as well. The only problem that that has created if I 
don't know the woman I'm dancing with, she sometimes thinks that I don't 
want to dance with her anymore and I'm stalling by chatting before 
walking her off the dance floor mid-tanda! I explain and we laugh if off 
together (and yes, all that creates a type of extra little bond that 
helps the subsequent Tango connection!), but then I do try to shorten 
the chit-chat a little or at least try not to look like I'm stalling!

Shahrukh