[Tango-L] Last mail on topic: Milonga codes

[Melina Sedo & Detlef Engel]

Dear Brick. Hi all.


Thanks for your reply to my mail.

You are absolutely right, that there are different social behaviour  
rules in different countries.
So, going to a table and inviting someone to dance my be ok in the  
US, but not in BA.

And, to go to a table might not be the main problem. If you invite  
someone directly and you have checked out by eye contact, that there  
is a general "openness" to you, this may be totally good.

But I just cannot belive, that the "rules" find it ok, to interrupt  
someone, if he or she is (seriously) engaged in  something else or if  
this person is obviously avoiding contact. And: IF the "rules" say  
it's ok, then it's still against good instincts. ;-)
As Trini already put this: It is NEVER a good idea to approach  
someone, who's avoiding eye contact or who looks at you in a  
rejecting way. If you do so and are then rejected, you should not  
wonder. No?

I'm surely no blind admirer of argentine culture, in fact, I'm a big  
critic of a lot of the "reglas" or "codigos". BUT: the Argentines got  
one thing right and this is the Cabeceo/Mirada. It just makes sense  
in the Tango (or Dance) context. And trying to promote that one  
"rule" in addition to the Tango itself, can be no mistake, I find.

And then: I'm 42 years old and I find myself most of my time trying  
to cooperate and interact with others. This is in general good and I  
don't mind. It's been part of my job(s) since years!
But dancing with someone socially, especially in a close embrace, if  
you really try to commit, is something very intimate and demanding.  
When I dance with a man (or a woman) I really want to please that  
person and give him (or her) a good time. And I want to have a good  
time too.

This is not about just wanting to dance with the "stars". In fact, I  
just had the nicest Di Sarli Tanda with a "beginner" in Stockholm,  
who did not dare to invite me and whom I had to encourage for 4 days.

But: I just cannot please a person, if I'm focused on something else  
or real tired or I don't like that person's dance-style or the person  
at all. And I do not want to start acting as a Tango-robot, even  
though I'm a professional teacher now.

I could do gymnastics with anyone and (almost) anytime, but Tango is  
something unique and I want to keep it that way.

Have a nice day,


Melina



Melina Sedo & Detlef Engel
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