[Tango-L] What Women (Tango Dancers) Want

[larrynla@juno.com]

Most people stereotype women, including women themselves.  I love their diversity.

There are several reasons.  I started out to be a psychologist in college and got halfway to a degree before changing to another program.  In a way I'm still a psychologist; about a dozen years ago I began working to change fiction writing from an avocation to a vocation.  And for several decades I was an engineer.  We absolutely cannot stereotype, at least in our technical fields.  To do so can introduce errors that kill, cause horrible injuries, waste millions of dollars, or all three.

Plus I've had a lot of women who were more than lovers.  They were and are friends for many years.  And perhaps I still have the unshockable interested aura of the psychologist.  People, especially women, tell me things they'd never mentioned to their closest women friends or lovers or "spouses" if Lesbian.  Which is how twice I ended up playing top to an out-and-out sexual masochist, one of whom took me to S&M events.  Boy, did I get a lot of material for my books from them!

(And, no, I do not want to repeat those experiences.  If you're not into it, playing master is time-consuming and gets really boring after a while.  As in, Cynthia, how many kinds of whips do I NEED?!  And, you want me to do WHAT with these push-pins?  And, for the last time, I AM going to sterilize those!)

So when I hear people, men as well as women, saying that women don't care about "steps" or "tricks" and just want emotional connections and simple stuff that induces "bliss" I raise an eyebrow.  Because I've known many women who are as obsessed as any man with athletics and complexity, and not just in dance.  Some of them from before they even started kindergarten.

We hear a lot about parents pushing kids to act or whatever.  We hear almost nothing about kids as young as three years old deciding they're going to the Olympics and the parents can damn well get out of the way if they're not going to help.  It's so counter-intuitive.  Parents are the bosses, right?  And kids have to do what they say?  But I'll bet you know at least one young girl whose eyes will narrow and jaw tighten when someone tries to lay down the law to her.  And who will cry when whipped, or sent to their room without supper, but with tears of rage and not hurt.

So when I embrace a woman at a milonga and we begin to move I'm not only working to have a good time myself, but also to try to make the dance good for my partner.  It's not because I'm so compassionate or empathetic or self-sacrificing.  It's partly an ego thing, as women know who sometimes feel pressured to have an orgasm.  It's also pragmatic; a woman who has a fun dance will be more receptive to more dances with me.

I've heard men say its too much work to worry about their partner having a good time.  And it's not the man's job, anyway.  He's supposed to LEAD.  But after many years of  constantly sensing how my partner's body moves the skills have become automatic.  Besides, it's also a pleasure to feel how those silky thighs ... erh, well.

I also pay attention to how well women do, say, a boleo or gancho.  If it snaps like a whip I know this woman has put a lot of time practicing it and will likely enjoy doing another.  (Though a leader can overdo leading ganchos or whatever.  Adornos are like spices.  Too much is as bad as too little.)

There ought to be classes on just women's adornos, both led and self-initiated, but there are very few classes on women's skills of any kind.  I've certainly heard a lot of women complain about this.  And it seems as if men should want those classes, too, for the very selfish reason that if he helps women have a good time they'll want to dance more with him.

So what would such a class look like?  There has to be part that focuses on what men must do to lead adornos, and to allow time and space for self-started adornos.  Then class time for some of the easier ones.  This would include boleos and ganchos.  And what else?  Do you have any ideas?

Here's one that's very easy.  Man steps left, leaves right foot in place with knee bent, stops, straightens his spine, lifts his right shoulder slightly.  This tells a woman that he's not going to move without signalling he is.  That his free (right) leg is a target of opportunity.  She can then lift her free (left) leg and slide it down his free leg.  At the end of the movement she has two or three choices, including leaving her free leg draped over his so that he can do a sacada on it to slide into the next figure.

Oops!  I've run out of time.  Got to get ready for El Encuentro, one of my favorite milongas here in L.A.

Larry de Los Angeles

PS  To see some of my writing, including the first part of the novel that begins my Shapechanger Chronicles series, click on the following link.

http://larrydla.home.att.net/writing.html

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