[Tango-L] Creating a strong connection

[Jay Rabe]

I've been in the same situation. It seemed like something must be wrong if I had better connections when dancing with strangers than with my regular dance partner and "significant other". But talking to other people confirmed it's a common phenomenon.

I analyzed it to a couple of things. First, I did a lot of practicing with my regular partner, trying to work out new moves, trying to perfect technique. That sort of set the stage, set the expectations, that  then made it difficult, when dancing socially, to shift gears. I would forget to do what TFH suggested, "Let the focus be on the connection." When you have built up a habit or customary behavior of practicing steps and technique, you have to make a concerted conscious effort to focus instead on making a good connection. 

The second and related thing is the "familiarity breeds contempt" thing. While it presumably doesn't go as far as contempt, it's difficult to avoid taking things for granted, to quit paying full attention because you've done and felt all these moves so many times before. It's difficult to be surprised. With a new partner, you pay more attention to each other precisely because you're new to each other - you don't know what to expect. That paying attention creates the atmosphere for a good connection. 

I suggest your partner try out new moves by himself or with someone besides you, then he can have a repertoire to surprise you with. But mostly, just pay more attention to each other. Again as TFH said, just slow down. Tiny movements and playfulness can create great connection.

          J
     TangoMoments.com


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