[Tango-L] Speak Up

[Deby Novitz]

I have not lived in the U.S. for almost 3 years.  Those of you who know 
me, know that I live here in Buenos Aires.  I started to dance tango I 
think 9 years ago.  I was originally from California.  When I read the 
news from the U.S. I am constantly amazed at how people use the court 
systems to settle what I would consider personal differences.  From my 
vantage point, not only from reading the news, but looking at lists such 
as Tango-L, it appears that people in the U.S. have forgotten how to 
interact with each other on a personal level.  It is much easier to go 
on the attack using whatever means one can: whether it be the Internet 
or a lawyer.

I don't know Chas or any of the people involved.  I do know many 
experiences of women who dance tango.  On my first trip to Buenos Aires, 
my "teacher"  tried to kiss me. I immediately pushed him away, took my 
things, and walked out.  There was no way I would have another class 
with an idiot like that.  It was not a question of strength or being 
afraid or being in a vulnerable position.  I never saw myself as a 
victim. The guy acted like a jerk. He did apologize.  But so what? It 
was never even a consideration to have another class with him. To do so, 
means that you accept this kind of behavior. 

Being advanced on in a tango class is not the same as your boss coming 
on to you, being jumped on the street, or your date getting you drunk 
and taking advantage. You have the power to say no and leave.  Please do 
not tell me I am simplifying.  This is a tango class.  If the teacher  
forces you to have sex against your will,(And I do mean force)  
restrains you, this is rape. Inappropriate touching has a solution - you 
leave. You don't come back.  Do you really need to go and sue the 
person? Is this what happens now?  Someone touches you in a way that is 
inappropriate, so you sue them?  You take them to court? You have them 
arrested?  You ruin their life?  Jeesh, this being the case, half of 
Buenos Aires would be in jail or never allowed back into the U.S. 

When I lived in the Bay Area there was a teacher there who had "affairs" 
with his students.  All was well and fine, until the lovely ladies 
involved found out that they were not the only ones, all hell broke 
loose.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  I have seen the same 
thing happen here in Buenos Aires.  Over and over women come here.  They 
attach to these piranhas in the milongas like they are Dancing Gods from 
heaven.  All is well and good, until they find out, that they are not 
the only one.  Then the Dancing God from heaven becomes a pariah to 
attack and punish.  He done me wrong.  Considering you had two people in 
a room with no witnesses, no one really knows the truth do they? 

Yes, it is not only the men who perpetrate this behavior, it is the 
women too.  The difference being what guy is going to go" Oh I took her 
class, and then she tried to kiss me."  Can you imagine a man taking his 
female tango teacher to court because she touched him in a class?  I 
know men this has happened to. They either go with it, or they tell the 
woman, thank you but no thank you and avoid her.  We want equality as 
women, but selectively, at and at times when it benefits us.  Where did 
this intense need to flagellate, punish, and expose come from?

As for Internet expose. To much of a good thing can be a bad thing.  If 
you are going to expose someone publicly, you better make sure your own 
house is clean before you do so.