[Tango-L] Conflict

[Jay Rabe]

to all that Brick said, I'll add:
 
There's another hidden cost to the community: There are people who lurk on the list, just reading and learning and forming impressions, who see these ridiculous flame wars, these vicious personal attacks and lack of giving anyone the benefit of the doubt in such an imperfect communication medium as email, and say, "this is not for me," and are lost to the community without anyone ever even knowing.
 
Rules for avoiding conflict on mailing lists:
from:
http://www.madmanweb.com/archives/0102avoiding_personal_conflict_on_mailing_lists.html
1. Attack the opinion, not the person.
2. Avoid sarcasm. It doesn't come across well in email, which doesn't transmit tone of voice or facial expression.
3. When you disagree with someone, say just that. Saying, "I disagree" is not the same as "You're wrong". 
4. When possible, show empathy for the receiver. 
5. Don't be cryptic. Say what you mean, as simply and straight-forward as possible. Avoid innuendo.
6. When in doubt over what the other person meant, ask him or her. Don't assume anything. Real wars have been fought over assumptions.
7. Humor is always good to diffuse a tense situation. When you suspect that the other person may misinterpret you, use emoticons.
 
All of this of course assumes that everyone on the list sees value in the list being free of conflict...
 
 J
TangoMoments.com



> Date: Sat, 29 Sep 2007 11:10:34 -0700> From: brick at fastpack.com> To: tango-l at mit.edu> Subject: Re: [Tango-L] traditional tango music> > ----You are not totally alone, but all of you should stay home.> ----They are probably doing it to make you leave. I would.> ----Are you sure it is tango you want to learn?> ----Cheers (and please don't move to New York),> > ====> > "How to Grow the Tango Community" is a common theme I come across in> Tango communities.> > This thread was started by a member expressing a preference for> alternative music like "west coast swing." His post saying he finds> "much of the traditional tango music, whiney and uninspiring" was> turned by another lister into a "bias and hatred of tango."> > IMHO, Tango is not a good "entry level dance:" it is simply too> difficult (though not impossible) to learn as a first dance. So it> might be, that attracting dancers with prior experience from other> dances would be a good way to "grow the community."> > However, I find that when people come from other dances and bring> their slightly different skill set and preferences for music, etc,> they are greeted by a small but very vocal group with the unfriendly> and unwelcoming statements seen above. No wonder most don't stick> around. The statements above even contain a version of my least> favorite and often heard phrase: "That is NOT Tango!"> > While I find that most of the members of the Tango Communities I've> experienced are warm and welcoming people, there are enough vocally> passionate ones who project a less than friendly atmosphere to> newbies, who simply leave to find someplace where they are more> welcome.> > All of this is IMHO, YMMV and all that.> Flames Cheerfully ignored.> _______________________________________________> Tango-L mailing list> Tango-L at mit.edu> http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
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