[Tango-L] The Jungle and Women's Tricky Tricks

[Victor Bennetts]

Something I don't think anyone has mentioned about Argentina is that once you have someone you want to dance with actually on the floor and the first dance is done(a difficult and stressful endeavour), the whole spell of not being able to talk to them is broken and it is quite acceptable (indeed almost compulsory) to let them know that you really love the way they dance to Biagi, for instance, and you would treasure such a dance with them the way you treasure every moment of your life ... etc etc :-) Argentinians really make an art form of compliments from what I observed. It is a bit shallow I know but I was chuffed on the rare occasions between dances when followers said things to me like 'I was looking at you for ages, why did it take you so long to look in my direction?'. I don't know if these sort of things are sincere, but you certainly remember that follower and are pretty quick to single them out for a dance at the next milonga. So now I have let the secret out about how easily manipulated men are with our fragile egos, you can probably see that it is pretty easy to patch up a rejection if you really want to dance with someone. Just tell them how great their vals is. I mean, you want to dance a vals with them because you do think they do that one well, right? And I will put money on them asking you for the next vals tanda that comes up :-)

Victor Bennetts

-----Original Message-----
From: Carol Shepherd [mailto:arborlaw at comcast.net]
Sent: Saturday, 6 October 2007 12:29 AM
To: Victor Bennetts
Cc: tango-l at mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] The Jungle and Women's Tricky Tricks

Hey, sometimes our feet *are* sore and we really need to rest!  Have you
ever worn tango shoes? ;)

This is a bigger problem in the tango world than in other dance styles,
because of the difference in customs.  In other dances I can say to the
guy "when I'm done resting, I'll come over and ask you."  Obviously in
tango this is mostly not done.

So, if you really *do* have sore feet, how do you reconnect without
violating the code?

Another problem -- I do want to dance with a guy, but not a milonga, I
would rather dance a tango.  I say, "Can we not dance to this, but dance
to a tango instead?"  They walk away, and don't come back, because they
feel rejected.  Can I go over to them and ask them to dance the tango?
I don't think so.  How can I reconnect in that situation as well.

Inquiring minds want to know.

C

PS - those who say you shouldn't dance after you have turned someone
down, are absolutely right.  It's very socially rude.  I think some
women are getting sloppy with this because of the tanda structure.
Turning down one dance means sitting out the rest of the whole tanda, so
they throw away the rule.  Too bad.

Victor Bennetts wrote:
> As my wife and I both dance I get to see this issue from both sides. Remember it is generally no easier for women than men at a Milonga and generally if there is an oversupply of women as is often the case it is a lot harder for them. So you really have to respect them if they don't want to dance with you. Having said that, it is a social dance and a little kindness goes a long way mujeres :-).
>
> After initially really resenting the cabaceo in my brief and only stint in Argentina I must say I ended up liking it a lot. I was really down on it until my wife pointed out that it was just a lovely means to allow the woman to choose who she wants to dance with. For instance, in Australia, if you go up to a follower and they want to turn you down for a dance usually they give you some sorry excuse like they have sore feet or need to rest. So in Argentina you avoid all that and furthermore once you get someone to smile and nod at you then you start to feel really special actually. Already you feel like you have shared something and she has chosen you and something great is about to start. I don't want to make it sound like some perfect solution because there are all sorts of cabaceo disasters and difficulties, but when it works it does seem to work beautifully. However I could not imagine doing it in Australia (and I imagine the rest of the world is pretty much the same), i
t!
>   would probably just be ridiculous and forced out of context.
>
> Victor Bennetts
>
> -----Original Message-----
>

--
Carol Ruth Shepherd
Arborlaw PLC
Ann Arbor MI USA
734 668 4646 v  734 786 1241 f
http://arborlaw.com

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