[Tango-L] Igor's Question: a woman's perspective

Tue Oct 2 13:43:10 EDT 2007

"This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a 
macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?""

[]
  Judy Tenuta

At 11:33 AM 10/2/2007, Tom Stermitz wrote:

>On Oct 2, 2007, at 10:34 AM, Darlene Robertson wrote:
>
> > Hello All,
> > ...
> >   I have over many years invited, coerced and bribed (with the
> > promise of a date, if you will, for some fellow that actually
> > learned tango) many men to visit our community with the goal of
> > adding them to the Argentine Tango herd.  I have grabbed them from
> > West Coast Swing, East Coast Swing, Country/Western and my former
> > boyfriend (before Tango became my "boyfriend"), Salsa.  I've given
> > free lessons, cheap lessons and encouraged them to go someplace
> > else for group or private lessons, etc.
> >
> >   They're consensus?  Gosh, I hope you're sitting down.  They
> > didn't like the music.
> >
> >   Okay, there, I've said it.  Please don't get all your
> > tailfeathers ruffled over yet another discussion about
> > "traditional, alternative, neo, nuevo," etc. on me.  This isn't
> > about that well-worn topic.  Of the 40 or so men, NONE liked the
> > music.  They danced the other stuff because it was what they could
> > hear a beat to, or dance to without thinking or whatever.  What
> > does that tell me?  These guys dance to get laid.  The go to hold
> > women.  They're doing the same thing many of us single people are
> > doing: they're looking for love.  My fault that I didn't find a
> > "dancer" amongst them -- I just didn't get that right!
> >
> >   Abrazos,
> >
> >   Darlene
>
>Thanks for this Darlene,
>
>I liked all your comments, but in particular you make an important
>point that so many men DON'T LIKE THE MUSIC (at first, I presume).
>This is strongly related to the other two points: LACK OF CONFIDENCE
>and RETENTION OF GUYS.
>
>I define advanced tango as "simple things done well", but that is
>also a definition of confident tango.
>
>We've been throwing around the terms feminine and masculine, and
>those are useful but loaded terms. A more specific and easier to
>address issue is to address CONFIDENCE or lack thereof. Yes, tango
>requires masculine guys, but at the basic level it isn't that these
>guys aren't masculine. They feel tentative because they aren't
>confident. Tango requires (the follower requires), that the man
>proposes an idea, a step a sequence of steps or whatever. This is
>daunting for the men at first, and the crux of the problem is
>confidence vs uncertainty.
>
>I've taught for ten years, which is important because I've tried and
>abandoned many things with a specific goal of creating better
>retention of the men. Women are important, but they have more
>patience, can learn quickly in privates, and in general have an
>easier time with tangoat the beginning. Retain the men, and we'll
>retain the women.
>
>In my experience, the single most important driver for retaining the
>guys is whether they feel confident. Secondly, the foundation for
>confidence is understanding the music. You can draw a big fat arrow:
>
>MUSICALITY => CONFIDENCE => RETENTION => HAPPY WOMEN.
>
>
>Teaching Musicality.
>
>So, when I teach I am highly focused on showing the men where the
>beat is and where the musical phrasing is. Change the music, repeat
>and rinse. It takes repetition and time, as this is a strange foreign
>genre to most. Basically, if they don't know the music, then they
>have to be shown exactly where it is, and how to make their movements
>relate to it.
>
>Musicality is when your energy matches the musical energy, the surge
>at the beginning of the phrase, the suspension at the end, the flow
>and "wave" of the waltz, the staccatto of D'Arienzo, the walk of Di
>Sarli, the drama of Pugliese.
>
>Confidence is when you just know what to do in your bones.
>
>I'm sometimes accused of "just teaching walking" because I present
>tango steps or vocabulary more slowly than some teachers, but that is
>a misunderstanding because I'm teaching a MUSICAL way of walking,
>which some might call dancing.
>
>It is no wonder that some dancers like alternative music because they
>can hear it, move to it be inspired by it. Watch a North American
>dance to blues or R&B. That is the "music of our people"; it makes
>sense to us, we can just feel what to do. In fact I use alternative
>precisely for this quality of creating confidence... "Hmmm, I guess I
>CAN dance".
>
>
>Teaching steps.
>
>Steps? Steps don't equal tango; steps are just the things you do once
>you know tango. This is perhaps why in Argentina you can start with
>the steps. Culturally, they already know tango, what is sounds like,
>looks like, feels like, so they just need to know what to do.
>
>I know, you have teachers who present lots and lots of steps. This is
>so typical of new teachers and Intermediate dancers. Let me show you!
>This is an ocho, this is a volcada, this is a shoe shine, this is a
>whoop-de-do. They are teaching at the level they are learning, not
>the level where a beginner is learning.
>
>Teaching lots of steps keeps the guys in a constant state of un-
>confidence and un-ability. It is deceptive, perhaps. They feel like
>they are learning, and maybe they keep taking classes always seeking
>the answer. But what is the question? CONFIDENCE, not stuff. These
>guys end up long-term intermediates randomly zig-zagging around the
>middle of the floor. I've tried to teach some of the musicality, and
>they just don't get it because their brain is so full of stuff, that
>they can't comprehend the essence.
>
>Look at milongas or practicas in communities dominated by fancy tango
>(nuevo, fantasy, neo, non). You have lots of women, and not so many men.
>
>
>
>
>Tom Stermitz
>http://www.tango.org
>Denver, CO
>
>
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