[Tango-L] A man's feminine side: masculinity in tango!

[Jeff]

Michael wrote:
> I've read plenty on the above subject and there seems to be complaints about a man being feminine or his feminine side showing. The problem seems to be that a man has to be a man. I guess a man has to dance like he's John Wayne!
>
> I paint stereotypes of the genders. A woman is weak because she publicly shows her feelings and a man is strong because he shows no emotion. 
?! I don't think so. Men don't show emotion because usually when 
confronted with a predator that is a sign of vulnerability. Don't think 
so? Go find a junkyard dog and whimper when it growls at you. This is 
basic mammalian behavior. That you (and a lot of people) are unfamiliar 
with it simply supports my contention that we live in an artificial 
enough environment that it is really no longer an issue. Or is it?

More to the point emotions are largely choices (except in cases of 
pathologies, i.e. emotional problems). Having the discipline not to 
follow them at times is, I admit, a sign of strength. The stereotype we 
should battle is not of the man who can't engage his feelings, but the 
hysterical woman who is unable to function because of them. (Again this 
is a stereotype from the Victorian era and one that doesn't apply to 
other cultures. Let me tell you about my AK-47 toting Iranian friend in 
her burqa sometime.)  So lemma see, we have Shakespeares, Beethovens and 
at least a few other guys who are anything but emotional cripples. You 
would have to work darn hard to convince me that any of the big tango 
bands (run by men) are free of emotion. Heck, that's what got me 
interested in tango is that raw quality. I would tender that the issue 
for men is that they feel emotions very keenly and must, with their 
native urges to violence, learn to keep them in check. The scandalously 
high murder and assault rates among males (and sadly, now females) are 
due in part to a vilification of self-control. No enraged ex-boyfriend 
needs to "get in touch with his feelings", he needs to cool down and get 
a grip. This is what set the ethos for male behavior in times past.

So in tango -- and here I go trying to hop back on the topic -- I posit 
that what the aim is, is for a male to be passionate at the same he is 
firmly and coolly in control. It is this tension I think women would 
find more interesting (and is most likely more like the milieu in which 
tango used to be done). Some soppy, mawkish and excessive dancing might 
impress some women, but from what I've seen it is most likely 
ego-stroking for the guy to show how authentic he is. 

Oh, I *never* have had anyone question my masculinity. I suspect that 
the original comment from Igor was someone taking a dig at him or 
possibly assuming that tango was just a subset of ballroom.
> The epitome of a man is an injured football player who tells the coach "Put me in the game, coach! Only one kidney is injured. I carry an extra in reserve." 
As an athlete -- and a damn good one -- that fatuous example is simply 
wrong. One of my charges who acts like that would get a stern lecture 
from me all the way to the first aid station. Oh and I *do* know pro 
football players. They are a huge investment for their franchise and are 
very, very carefully tended. You don't cough up a million bucks a year 
for one and expect them to act like a moron.
> If a man was to show an emotion, OMG, it would kill him. That's because many confuse weakness with softness. 
>   
Nope. I show emotion all the time. I just refuse to let the bad ones 
control me. 
> Thanks to 3 years of yoga therapy, 
*Oh boy* yoga "therapy". Geez...

<snip/>
> Men seem to concentrate inordinately on figures. If they can't execute it, it's a sign of "weak" manhood.
A quote from Bruce Lee is in order here: "A lack of understanding leads 
to embellishment." Yes, people (that includes women) who only do figures 
or furiously embellish everything normally are substituting that for a 
good understanding of the dance. Where the art lies -- and I could be 
wrong -- is in what the absolute minimum you need is. I've danced with 
more than my share of women that were I call ochOmatics, i.e., no matter 
what I did they did some sort of ocho. It was not possible to do 
anything expressive with them on the floor.