[Tango-L] A man's feminine side: masculinity in tango!

[Michael]

I've read plenty on the above subject and there seems to be complaints about a man being feminine or his feminine side showing. The problem seems to be that a man has to be a man. I guess a man has to dance like he's John Wayne!

I paint stereotypes of the genders. A woman is weak because she publicly shows her feelings and a man is strong because he shows no emotion. The epitome of a man is an injured football player who tells the coach "Put me in the game, coach! Only one kidney is injured. I carry an extra in reserve." If a man was to show an emotion, OMG, it would kill him. That's because many confuse weakness with softness. 

Thanks to 3 years of yoga therapy, I was able to let go of a lot of personal baggage that held me back from dancing-- and enjoying life. My teacher, Joe, told me "before we can embrace others we have to embrace ourselves." To me, connection and chemistry are always more important than figures. 

Based on an informal, random survey of women in Denver and Washington years ago, women want connection and to feel special. The "physical" part, figures, was much less important. Men seem to concentrate inordinately on figures. If they can't execute it, it's a sign of "weak" manhood.

I think this is the crux of the point about masculinity in tango. Masculinity concentrates on figures and femininity concentrates on emotions. But for a man to show emotion, he has to feel emotion. If feeling emotion is seen as feminine, well, what man wants to feel he's less of man because of his "femininity." I've been lucky to sometimes feel my heartbeat, sometimes the woman's heartbeat. I remember dancing with Natasha in Florida. I dance close embrace. She taught me closer embrace. Figures meant nothing. I didn't want to do anything to break the embrace.

I guess there is NO tango in Lake Wobegone, MN 
                                                        where all the women are strong
                                                        all the men are good looking
                                                        all the children are above average

My favorite milonguero expression is:
                                                                  4 legs
                                                                   2 bodies
                                                                   1 heart

To dance tango is one thing. To feel tango is another. And to EXPERIENCE tango, words just can't describe it. 

Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC
I'd rather be dancing Argentine Tango