[Tango-L] When in Rome, do as the Romans do

[Janis Kenyon]

It is common knowledge in the tango world that things are different in the
milongas of Buenos Aires.  The traditions of milongas are respected by
portenos who learned them as teenagers.  If teachers don't talk about the
codes during classes, dancers are able to read about the traditions in
magazines and on the Internet.  There is no excuse for arriving in Buenos
Aires without a clue of what to expect in the milongas.  The key is to try
blending in rather than standing out.

A man from Milan came for his first visit to Buenos Aires.  He is a friend
and student of a very good friend of mine, so he telephoned me.  I suggested
he go to a certain milonga that I would be attending the following day.  I
told him to tell the host that he came at my recommendation and wanted the
host to let him know where I was seated.  He arrived early and was given a
front-row table.  When I arrived, the host told me where the man was seated.
We did not sit together, but I accepted his invitation by cabeceo to dance.
I knew that he had been instructed by our mutual friend on proper conduct in
the milongas.  Our tanda together gave other women the opportunity to
see him dancing.  I pointed out to him the two best female dancers in the
milonga.  He was very patient and observed the dancing.  Later he was able
to have tandas with both women because they had seen him dancing with me.  I
would say that his first milonga in Buenos Aires was a complete success.  He
danced simply in the outer circle, invited women with the cabeceo, danced to
the music, and escorted his partners back to their table.  He told me how
thrilled he was to be dancing in Buenos Aires.  I saw that he was prepared
for the best milongas and told him where to go.

Two women from the Northeastern USA were seated at the table next to mine.
As they were preparing to change their shoes at the table, I asked if they
were aware of the location of the ladies' room.  They took their shoebags
and went there to change.  One returned to put on her makeup at the table.
The other woman's husband, who was seated across the room, crossed the floor
and approached the table to get her to dance.  She was preoccupied with her
makeup and told him to ask me.  I had already accepted an invitation by the
man from Milan.  The American proceeded to walk out to the floor and turned
around to wait for me to arrive.  I told him that I don't accept verbal
invitations, and that I had already accepted the invitation of another man.
Later I told his wife that he should use the cabeceo in this milonga.  She
said that they are aware of the codes, but he just wanted to dance.  He's a
musician and is usually playing tango rather than dancing it.  He is much
shorter than his wife, so they don't usually dance together.  I saw that he
couldn't dance, but at least he could find the beat of the music.  He was so
impatient that he finally got someone to dance with him, but it was the last
half of the last dance of a tanda.  He invited the same woman for the next
tanda at the beginning.  This man was seated in the second row of tables
behind some of the best dancers who attend regularly.  His wife accepted the
invitation of a man who came to her table.  She had several tandas with a
tall man who couldn't dance.  The two women conversed loudly and
continuously rather than enjoying the music and dancing.