[Tango-L] The Listero Veil

[Fantasia Sorenson]

I dance with many different types of men. I suppose the ratio of nice men to
not-so-nice men is roughly the same in tango as in the rest of the populace.
If I ever have the choice between dancing with someone who is nice but not
such a hot dancer and someone who is not-so-nice but really able to dance, I
take nice.

Nice lasts me a lot longer than a dance. It feeds my dignity, my
self-esteem, and sense of womanhood. Not-so-nice costs me in every one of
those departments and when it is an accompaniment to a great dance, the
benefits of the great dance have a really (I mean really) fleeting shelf
life.

So I kind of just leave the not-so-nice men alone. I find that I'm not that
hungry anymore for a dance. I can afford not to be.

Gee, can you detect "life lesson" here? I've learned how to walk away from a
lot both on and off the dance floor. Tango has been great for me. With each
passing month I find myself in fewer and fewer situations where I realize
hate myself.

Imagine my surprise when I experienced the following. I was swept out on the
dance floor by a visitor who was very nice indeed... AND he was a sensitive
dancer, too. He embraced me and after a few phrases of music I seemed to
disappear somewhere else. I think this was probably the first time I really
understood why it's nice to be escorted off the dance floor. I mean, I
always recognized that it was courteous, but on this particular occasion I
really needed to be guided! I was blissfully oblivious.
He came back later and we sailed through a tanda of waltzes. Same story.
Until we chatted between the last two in the tanda. He identified himself as
being a participant on this list.

This is the part that was so surprising. From reading this list, I would
have never imagined that this man would ever fall under the heading of nice.
His contributions to this list have been anything but that. I turned cold
and was as stiff as a statue through the last waltz. He escorted me off the
floor, but I could barely muster the most perfunctory of "thank you's".

He came to me later and told me that he sensed my reaction about his
identity on the list. I told him that I was very surprised because, in real
life, his behavior seems completely upright, whereas from reading his posts
I would have to say that I should never have hoped to meet him anywhere.

That set him back on his heels and then we talked a long time and danced
some more. We continued our discussion in a nearby Starbucks for some hours
later.

You know, the internet makes it very easy to be anonymous. At least, you
think so. When people are not directly in front of you, you might say a lot
of things that you might not be inclined to say if you were embracing them.
Then one day, you might be dancing together and the words you whisper in
your partner's ear might be a plea for forgiveness.

Fan