[Tango-L] Don't blame your follower

[Michael]

While I understand the reason for this thread's title, I've never liked it. Blame doesn't lead to improvement. Holding yourself accountable and desiring to change is what leads to improvement. Everybody DOESN'T want to get better and are content with their dancing level.

The title implies that leaders and followers are adequate. I went to a NY milonga last night. I had great difficulty leading women who pushed hard, outwardly, on their right arm. They pushed me off the alignment of our bodies and  crippled themselves when executing ochos. You can't step backwards in one direction if you're pushing hard on the right arm in the opposite direction. A lot of people confuse stiffness with firmness. Dancer's frames should be firm, NOT stiff. A man's stiff frame can't lead and a woman's stiff frame RESISTS the lead which is why I bristle when a woman says "give me resistance." To paraphrase Daniel Trenner, "when your partner tells you to push on the hand,
(s)he is telling you how bad a dancer the person is."

I had two tandas with women with firm frames and we went around the floor like skaters on ice, with minimal effort. Then, there were some women who were so stiff I could barely lead anything. If I couldn't lead any woman, that would definitely send me a message. But if I can lead some, but not others....HMMMM!!! Women should ask the same question. "If I can follow some men, but not others, what is the difference in the leaders?" 

It's important to know what each person is accountable for and what is beyond their control. Taking the blame for what is beyond your control will lead to frustration.

Michael
Washington, DC
Spending New Year's Eve at Dance Manhattan in NY
Looking forward to spring and the Atlanta Tango Festival