[Tango-L] Buenos Aires Mystery

[Keith]

Holly,

It's highly unlikely that anyone would ask you to dance unless they'd already 
seen you dancing. You say you'd already attended a few milongas in BsAs so it's 
likely that the men had seen you there. Many men attend many different milongas. 
Also, if you were alone at those previous milongas, they probably thought you 
were alone at Canning. I'm sure it was simmply a misunderstanding, which is why 
the men were mortified when you explained that you were there with a partner. 
You should feel flattered that your dancing in previous milongas had been good 
enough to warrant invitations in another milonga. Since you hadn't seen these 
men dancing, you were correct to politely decline the invitations.

Keith, HK

On Tue Dec  4 16:23 , RoseHolly at aol.com sent:

> 
>Hi everybody, this is my first post, though I've been reading the list  for 
>several months. I've really enjoyed the wealth of information and experience  
>here...as well as all the drama surrounding it! 
>I'm a relative newbie (dancing for about 1 ½ years) and recently returned  
>from my first trip to Buenos  Aires. I had a wonderful time, but one thing 
>happened  that mystified me, and I'm hoping you can shed some light. 
>I had been to a few milongas in town already, danced my little heart out,  
>and found everything to more or less fit my expectations. Then one night, I went 
> to Salon Canning. I was with a friend I had met in Buenos Aires, not a local 
>but  a Mexican man who spends a month of every year there working on his  
>technique, knows a lot of people and is a very good dancer. 
>My friend had reserved a table, and we were seated at the outer edge,  next 
>to an adorable local couple who'd been married over 50 years and had gone  
>there to hear a little music. It was around midnight, and the live music hadn't  
>started yet. The floor was fairly full but not crowded yet. My friend went to  
>change his shoes and pay his respects to various important people, and other  
>than chatting with the nice older couple, I was careful not to make eye 
>contact  with anybody. It was my first time there, I didn't know the crowd or the 
>floor,  and I wanted my first tanda to be with my friend. 
>This is where the mystery began. Within a few minutes of my friend  leaving 
>me at our table, a man tapped me on my shoulder, from behind. When I  looked 
>around he asked me to dance. I was quite taken aback and explained  
>apologetically (in my bad Spanish) that I was saving my first dance for the  gentleman I 
>had arrived with, at which point this man fell all over himself  apologizing 
>for having asked. In the 10 minutes my friend was gone, this  happened twice 
>more, each time being tapped from behind and verbally invited to  dance, and each 
>time the man was extremely apologetic, even mortified, when I  declined 
>(always by explaining I was saving the first dance for my gentleman  friend). What 
>gives? 
>I would be tempted to write them off as clueless Americans, but they  didn't 
>appear to be such, which is to say, they were all quite charming and  
>reserved, well groomed, wearing nice suits, and native Spanish speakers. (No  offense 
>intended to my fellow clueless Americans, but I hope you know what I  mean, 
>and of course you are not all clueless.) One of them used the word “sorry”  in 
>English but beyond that it was all Porteno-accented Spanish (as far as my  
>untrained ear could distinguish). 
>As I had just arrived, these men had no way of knowing whether I could  dance 
>my way out of a paper bag. Is it possible there were some other women  there 
>that these men were hoping to impress, so they were going to take any old  
>newcomer (me) for a spin just so they could display their wares and move on to  
>the women they wanted to win dances with? 
>Up to this point (at the other milongas I'd already visited in town) I'd  
>been quite charmed by the cabeceo, and felt a little thrill every time I got the  
>nod. But this was something else entirely, and sort of put me on edge. What 
>is  the proper response (if there is one) when such a thing happens? I'd hate 
>to  step on anyone’s toes (so to speak) but I also don't want to perpetuate bad 
> manners.  
>Did they have bad manners? Did I have bad manners? Is it assumed that  this 
>is how one must ask foreigners (me) to dance, who might not know the  customs? 
>Even if that is the case, why would they want to dance with someone  who'd 
>just arrived (me), who might turn out to be a menace on the dance  floor?  I 
>tried to discuss it with  my kindly table neighbors, but either my Spanish was 
>insufficient or they did  not consider it worthy of comment, as they just rolled 
>their eyes and waved  their hands. 
>I hope it will be found worthy of comment here, maybe with a little eye  
>rolling and hand waving thrown in for excitement. Many thanks. 
>Holly Rose, Berkeley
>
>
>
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